Business Briefs

Fort Washington, Pa. (SatireWire.com) – Online music seller CDNow, desperately in need of cash, may have staved off its demise by virtue of its recently awarded patent for “an Internet… Read more

Whitehouse Station, N.J. (Satirewire.com) – Merck Pharmaceuticals, under heavy pressure to explain how it will deal with the loss of billions of dollars in revenue over the next few years,… Read more

Fayetteville, Ark. (SatireWire.com) – Emerging from the deep, isolated cavern where its executives apparently have been hibernating for the past two years, Wal-Mart Friday proudly announced it will roll out… Read more

Nags Head, N.C. (SatireWire.com) – Consumer Confidence, noticeably eroding over the past several months, finally succumbed today as a giant wave of economic uncertainty sent it toppling into the Atlantic… Read more

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Taking their cue from Internet companies that have recently hired hackers to improve site security, several struggling online firms announced today they will hire unbearably… Read more

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The Securities and Exchange Commission today declared troubled health site DrKoop.com a public finance hazard and ordered that it display a warning label alerting the public… Read more

Palo Alto, Cal. (Satirewire.com) – Speaking before a group of investment bankers, Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina yesterday announced that unlike the chief executives at competitors Compaq, Dell, Gateway, and… Read more

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Stocks took another beating yesterday in what analysts are now calling the worst day on Wall Street since the day before yesterday. The Dow Jones… Read more

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – After a three-year battle, the Securities & Exchange Commission today ordered brokerage firm Morgan Stanley Dean Witter to stop measuring success “one investor at a time,”… Read more