Report That Pessimists Die Sooner No Big Surprise to Pessimists

“People who are overly pessimistic tend to have worse health long-term than their more positive peers, US researchers report.” – Reuters, Aug. 13 New York (SatireWire.com) – A study issued… Read more

"Homeless" Reclassified As "Mobile Internet Users"

Washington, D.C.. (SatireWire.com) – According to a new directive from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the estimated 750,000 Americans once considered “homeless” will be reclassified as “mobile… Read more

"CokeSpill" Virus Strikes Innnnntel, DDDDDellll

Cupertino, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – A computer virus labeled “CokeSpill,” which mimics the spill of a Coca-Cola on a computer keyboard, has infected computers at Innnntel, Suuuuun Microooosystems and DDDDellll, said… Read more

MEDIA METRIX CHANGES MEASUREMENT TERMS

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) – Internet audience measurement firm Media Metrix, seeking to differentiate itself from competitors NetRatings and PC Data, announced yesterday it will no longer use the term… Read more

New Attention Deficit Drug Is… Um…

New York, N.Y (SatireWire.com) – Drugmaker Eli Lilly and Co. on Wednesday said that late-stage tests of its experimental treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) showed it to be… Read more

Tiny Net Company Insists It's a Goddamned Bellwether

Wausau, Wis. (SatireWire.com) – Bart Garmon, president and chief executive officer of BartGarmon.com, a now solo Web design shop that is shedding employees and quickly running out of cash, insists… Read more

Teen Killed in Dispute Over $70 Pair of Domains

Secaucus, N.J. (SatireWire.com) – In yet another sign that senseless geek-on-geek crime is out of control, a 13-year-old honor student and computer genius was arrested yesterday for allegedly killing a… Read more

FISHER GLITCH REVEALED

Bellevue, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Due to a software glitch at popular Web site the Internet Movie Database, (IMDB.com) Carrie Fisher, star of the Disney horror movie ‘Carrie,’ about a family… Read more

NASA Just Goes Ahead and Launches Satellite

Vandenberg Air Force Base, Calif. (SatireWire.com) – NASA today said it launched a $952 million satellite this morning “just for the hell of it.” “Oh, what the fuck,” said NASA… Read more

To Keep Reader Interest on Web, Sites Work Hard to Make Stories Brief and Make Headlines Snappy, Interesting, and Also Brief, If They Can Do That And Still Get Their Point Across

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Acknowledging that surfers on the World Wide Web are as short on time as they are on attention span, Internet sites are “working hard” at… Read more
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