Amazon Turns Profit, Say Flying Pigs

Seattle, Wash. ( – Pigs flying over the frozen landscape of hell reported that online retailer turned in the first profit in its history on Tuesday, just moments after… Read more to Lay Off Staff in Under an Hour

New York, N.Y. ( –, which promises quick delivery of food, music, videos and more, pledged to match the immediacy of its urban delivery service by laying off its… Read more

Parker Bros. Replaces Monopoly Money With Cheaper Euro

Beverly, Mass. ( – In an effort to cut production costs associated with its famous Monopoly board game, Parker Brothers announced today it will replace its colorful play dollars with… Read more

Small Tech Stocks Fall; Big, Slow, Dumb Stocks Rise

New York, N.Y. ( – Small technology companies weren’t nimble enough on Wall Street yesterday, taking another pounding as investors once again favored the stocks of big, lumbering, stupid companies.… Read more


Kansas City, Mo. ( – Bullish remarks by Sprint Communications caused the entire telecom sector to rise in sympathy yesterday, while energy stocks vacillated between empathy and apathy for transportation… Read more


Chicago ( – United Airlines said it will fight a 9th District Appeals Court ruling yesterday that grants pilots and flight attendants the right to lead passengers in prayer during… Read more

Kmart Hires Arthur Andersen

Chicago ( – Ailing retail giant Kmart today announced it would not have to declare bankruptcy after an audit conducted by its newly hired accounting firm, Arthur Andersen, found no… Read more

Tiny Net Company Insists It's a Goddamned Bellwether

Wausau, Wis. ( – Bart Garmon, president and chief executive officer of, a now solo Web design shop that is shedding employees and quickly running out of cash, insists… Read more

New M&Enemas® Provide Instant Sugar Fix

Hackettstown, N.J. ( – Need a little sugar kick going into that meeting but don’t want to wait the 90 seconds it normally takes for the sugar to get into… Read more

RIAA Demands End to Unauthorized Humming, Whistling

San Francisco, Calif. ( – After using the courts to keep Napster and from freely distributing music over the Internet, the Recording Industry Association of America today asked a… Read more
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