SHARP SHEEP

Leeds, England (SatireWire.com) – The British Beef Export Council, finally conceding it cannot guarantee the eradication of Mad Cow Disease, announced today it will discontinue cow production and instead promote… Read more

Exxon Mobil Declares Martial Law

Dallas, Texas (SatireWire.com) – Exxon Mobil Chief Executive Lee Raymond yesterday declared martial law in the United States, an act that automatically suspended the Bill of Rights and forced nearly… Read more

Media: Typos in Microsoft Earnings Release!

Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Initially saddened and confused by this week’s strong earnings report from Microsoft, which gave it little to criticize, the media rebounded strongly today, noting the release… Read more

Firestone Peels Back Prices In Tire Sale Blowout!

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Bridgestone- Firestone Inc. today announced the launch of a nationwide “tire sale blowout” on its P235/75R15 size radial ATX and ATX II tires, as well as… Read more

CDNow Wins Patent for Loss-Based Revenue Model

Fort Washington, Pa. (SatireWire.com) – Online music seller CDNow, desperately in need of cash, may have staved off its demise by virtue of its recently awarded patent for “an Internet… Read more

PATENTS, SO WHAT

Whitehouse Station, N.J. (Satirewire.com) – Merck Pharmaceuticals, under heavy pressure to explain how it will deal with the loss of billions of dollars in revenue over the next few years,… Read more

Earth to Wal-Mart…

Fayetteville, Ark. (SatireWire.com) – Emerging from the deep, isolated cavern where its executives apparently have been hibernating for the past two years, Wal-Mart Friday proudly announced it will roll out… Read more

Consumer Confidence Erodes, Falls into Ocean

Nags Head, N.C. (SatireWire.com) – Consumer Confidence, noticeably eroding over the past several months, finally succumbed today as a giant wave of economic uncertainty sent it toppling into the Atlantic… Read more

Firms Hire Jerks to Improve Customer Service

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Taking their cue from Internet companies that have recently hired hackers to improve site security, several struggling online firms announced today they will hire unbearably… Read more

DrKoop.com Ordered to Display Warning Label

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The Securities and Exchange Commission today declared troubled health site DrKoop.com a public finance hazard and ordered that it display a warning label alerting the public… Read more
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