O.J. to Train Ground Troops

Briefs in a Brief

Miami, Fla. (SatireWire.com) – Oft-acquitted celebrity O.J. Simpson, exonerated by a jury Wednesday after being charged with road rage, has been hired to train U.S. ground forces massing for a possible invasion of Afghanistan, the Defense Department announced today.

“It’s likely that our servicemen and women will come under some heavy fire over there, and no one knows more about dodging bullets than this guy,” explained Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.

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