RANKED 25th IN WORLD IN MATH, U.S. STUDENTS GLAD TO "BE IN TOP 10"

VIENNA, AUSTRIA (SatireWire.com) – A key academic assessment released today ranked America’s high schoolers 25th in the world in math, a showing that pleased U.S. students who figure that at… Read more

JUDGE DENIES BIAS AGAINST "GUILTY MICROSOFT BASTARDS"

“My Published Comments About Those Evil Pricks Were Misconstrued,” Jackson Says Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Attempting to keep both his reputation and ruling intact, Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson today apologized… Read more

SURPRISE SETTLEMENT EVENLY SPLITS MICROSOFT; ONE FIRM TO MAKE SOFTWARE, OTHER TO MAKE PATCHES

Decision Keeps Redmond from Monopolizing Massive Microsoft Patch Industry Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – In a surprise settlement today with nine U.S. states, Microsoft agreed to be split into two independent… Read more

SPAMTHRAX – CONTRACTING ANTHRAX VIA EMAIL

Also Information on Net Evacuation, Bayer’s Production of e-Cipro Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The FBI today did not issue an alert for electronically disseminated anthrax, also known as “spamthrax,” because… Read more

DOT-COM REFUGEES: LIFE IN CAMP ALPHA

Hope Dwindles for Thousands; Kozmo.com Gang Doing OK Since the fall of Internet stocks began in April, former dot-com employees, forced from their jobs, have made their way to Dot-Camp… Read more

SETI PROJECT TURNS DOWN ALIEN HELP

Extraterrestrial Search “Going Just Fine” Without Extraterrestrial Interference Berkeley, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – Scientists for SETI@home, the worldwide project that uses millions of personal computers to aid in the search for… Read more

MAJOR SITES HAWKING MINOR'S PRIVATES (page 2)

“I don’t know about you, but my privates are worth a lot to me,” said Hanson. “I would never sell them at cost. That’s demeaning.” Nearly as demeaning, said Hanson,… Read more

NASA Just Goes Ahead and Launches Satellite

Vandenberg Air Force Base, Calif. (SatireWire.com) – NASA today said it launched a $952 million satellite this morning “just for the hell of it.” “Oh, what the fuck,” said NASA… Read more

To Keep Reader Interest on Web, Sites Work Hard to Make Stories Brief and Make Headlines Snappy, Interesting, and Also Brief, If They Can Do That And Still Get Their Point Across

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Acknowledging that surfers on the World Wide Web are as short on time as they are on attention span, Internet sites are “working hard” at… Read more

Hackers Attack Air-Traffic Control Centers, Cause "On-Time Chaos"

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – A congressional report warning that U.S. air traffic control is vulnerable to computer attack proved true today, as hackers broke into several control center computers, wreaking… Read more
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