RANKED 25th IN WORLD IN MATH, U.S. STUDENTS GLAD TO "BE IN TOP 10"

VIENNA, AUSTRIA (SatireWire.com) – A key academic assessment released today ranked America’s high schoolers 25th in the world in math, a showing that pleased U.S. students who figure that at… Read more

SCIENTIST SPLITS ATOM, FINDS TOY PRIZE INSIDE

Princeton, N.J. (SatireWire.com) -- A Princeton physicist recently split an atom of hydrogen and found a toy prize inside, the journal Science reported in its May issue. Read more

ANTI-TERROR BILL REQUIRES AMERICANS TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP

F.B.I. Predicts New Microsoft OS May Render Carnivore Obsolete Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – President Bush signed sweeping anti-terrorism legislation Friday that gives police unprecedented ability to search and eavesdrop by… Read more

INTERNET POET E.E. COMMERCE ON THE LAM

Estranged, Out-of-Favor Web Poet Threatens Victims with Bricks, Bad Verse Provo, Utah (SatireWire.com) – e.e. commerce, the famed Poet Laureate of the Internet whose rousing verse once spoke of an… Read more

MR. CLICKWELL'S WORST DRESSED WEB SITES

NEW HAVEN, CONN. (SatireWire.com) – And now, just in time for the Fall, caustic site design critic Mr. Clickwell reviews the biggest sites on the Internet and finds their Web… Read more

MICROSOFT SAYS LINUX HAS NO FUTURE, SO LINUX INDUSTRY WILL STOP

Despite Gains in Market Share, Linux Firms To Call It Quits Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Chastened Linux executives pledged to stop their “crazy dreaming” and disband their efforts after an… Read more

IT'S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

Iowa Farm Girl, Last Holdout; Gives in After Talk with Preacher WATERLOO, IOWA (SatireWire.com) – Sixteen-year-old high school sophomore Becky Atherton, believed to be the last remaining American who did… Read more

Hooked On Phonics Files for I Pee Oh

San Francisco (SatireWire.com) – Gateway Learning Corporation, maker of Hooked On Phonics, said today it will spin off its language teaching arm in an in-ish-ul pub-lik aw-fer-ing, or I Pee… Read more

Janet Reno Awarded VirginMary.com Domain

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Just days after pop diva Madonna won a battle to wrest control of Madonna.com by arguing she was the world’s best known Madonna, Attorney General Janet… Read more

Starving, Dying Poor to Get Much-Needed Net Access

Okinawa, Japan (SatireWire.com) – The world’s poorest nations reacted with elation yesterday after learning the G-8 economic powers have pledged to bring them into the digital economy by wiring their… Read more
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