Bush Pledges Republican Internet If Elected

Philadelphia, Pa. (SatireWire.com) – In a speech accepting his party’s nomination, George W. Bush pledged to wrest control of the Internet from its creator, Vice President Al Gore, and turn… Read more

IMF Rate Hike Suggestion Proves Hike Not Needed

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In what analysts are calling “a definitive sign” that Fed rate hikes have indeed quelled the U.S. economy and are no longer necessary, the International Monetary… Read more

COLA WARS

Atlanta (Satirewire.com) – Despite pressure from shareholders and the company’s public relations department, Coca-Cola chairman and CEO Douglas Daft continues to go by the name Douglas Daft. Purchase, N.Y. (Satirewire.com)… Read more

TYPO CAUSES HP AND COMPAQ TO MERDE

Mistake on Proxy Ballots Hits Wall Street Like Bomb Cupertino, Calif. (SatireWire.com) – Embarrassed company officials today revealed that a typographical error on the ballots used to cast votes in… Read more

HEADHUNTING FIRM DECAPITATES 250

Peruvian Firm Takes Their Cut Off the Top ICUPIRA, PERU (SatireWire.com) – GreatHeadHunters.com, which has decapitated more than 250 corporate executives in the past three months, has run afoul of… Read more

IT'S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

Iowa Farm Girl, Last Holdout; Gives in After Talk with Preacher WATERLOO, IOWA (SatireWire.com) – Sixteen-year-old high school sophomore Becky Atherton, believed to be the last remaining American who did… Read more

Martha Stewart Says Laws Only Apply To People

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – In a deft legal maneuver, lawyers representing Martha Stewart todaydemanded that investigations of the uber domestician be dropped, pointing out that U.S. securities laws only… Read more

Longtime Bear Thinks He's Hot Shit Now

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Brian Hogan, a perennial Wall Street bear who has been predicting a stock market decline since early 1997, is acting like a complete ass now… Read more

Company Spokespeople Say Combined Merger Won't Lead to Surplus Excess of Redundant, Overlapping Spokespeople Job Positions

Redwood City, Calif. (SatireWire.com) – Spokespersons for Phone.com and Software.com, which plan to merge in a $6.4 billion deal, insisted today the combined merger won’t lead to a surplus excess… Read more

Wrigley Launches "Internet Bubble" Gum®

Chicago, Ill. (SatireWire.com) – The world’s biggest chewing gum maker today unveiled Wrigley’s Internet Bubble Gum®, the “irrationally overpriced gum” that produces an “unsustainably large” bubble. The gum, which went… Read more
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