FED PRESCRIBES 'CONTROLLED BURN' OF DOT.COMS

Most Aggressive Move Yet Would Thin Out ‘Overgrown’ Sector WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Comparing the Internet to an uncontrolled and overcrowded forest, the Federal Reserve today authorized a “prescribed burn”… Read more

85 Percent of Nation's 2.9 Million Jobless Say They're Not Just Statistic

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a new Gallup poll on the dehumanizing aspects of job loss, nearly 85 percent of the nation’s 2.96 million unemployed said they “agreed somewhat” or… Read more

"Sponsorship Rectangles" Replace Banner Ads

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – In a surprise concession, the Internet Advertising Bureau today acknowledged the banner ad is dead, but expressed confidence that its latest innovation, “Sponsorship Rectangles,” will… Read more

Telecom Merger Will Create First "Single Phone Company"

San Antonio, Texas (SatireWire.com) – In a landmark decision expected to create an unprecedented “single, nationwide phone company,” a federal judge yesterday approved the merger of BellSouth, SBC, Sprint, Verizon,… Read more

Greenspan "I'm More Popular Than Jesus"

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan, who told a London Evening Standard reporter last week he was “more popular than Jesus Christ,” apologized today to the… Read more

AIRLINE CUTS COCKPIT CHATTER

Newark, N.J. (SatireWire.com) – Continental Airlines, concerned over studies linking car phone use to traffic accidents, today moved to preempt similar incidents in the sky by banning the use of… Read more

JUDGE DENIES BIAS AGAINST "GUILTY MICROSOFT BASTARDS"

“My Published Comments About Those Evil Pricks Were Misconstrued,” Jackson Says Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Attempting to keep both his reputation and ruling intact, Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson today apologized… Read more

JUSTICE TO BREAK UP APPLE FOR TURNING MICROSOFT INTO MONOPOLY

Alternative OS Maker Used Anti-Competitive Practices Against Itself Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Microsoft and the U.S. Justice Department Friday announced a settlement in their landmark anti-trust case that calls for… Read more

YOUR BOSS, A HOOKER, AND A CAMERA

Minneapolis, Minn. (SatireWire.com) - When the economy loses altitude and companies shed weight to stay aloft, employees the world over live in constant fear of layoffs. But according to job… Read more

MINDSPRING DEMANDS ANNULMENT

Merger with EarthLink a “Mistake,” Says Embarrassed ISP ATLANTA, GA (SatireWire.com) – Internet access provider MindSpring has filed in a Georgia Superior Court for an annulment of its recently completed… Read more
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