Atlanta ( – Despite pressure from shareholders and the company’s public relations department, Coca-Cola chairman and CEO Douglas Daft continues to go by the name Douglas Daft. Purchase, N.Y. (… Read more

Martha Stewart Says Laws Only Apply To People

New York, N.Y. ( – In a deft legal maneuver, lawyers representing Martha Stewart todaydemanded that investigations of the uber domestician be dropped, pointing out that U.S. securities laws only… Read more

Longtime Bear Thinks He's Hot Shit Now

New York, N.Y. ( – Brian Hogan, a perennial Wall Street bear who has been predicting a stock market decline since early 1997, is acting like a complete ass now… Read more

Company Spokespeople Say Combined Merger Won't Lead to Surplus Excess of Redundant, Overlapping Spokespeople Job Positions

Redwood City, Calif. ( – Spokespersons for and, which plan to merge in a $6.4 billion deal, insisted today the combined merger won’t lead to a surplus excess… Read more

Wrigley Launches "Internet Bubble" Gum®

Chicago, Ill. ( – The world’s biggest chewing gum maker today unveiled Wrigley’s Internet Bubble Gum®, the “irrationally overpriced gum” that produces an “unsustainably large” bubble. The gum, which went… Read more


Dubai, United Arab Emirates ( – In the face of worldwide anger over steep oil prices, the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries today voted to increase production to 50 billion… Read more


New York, N.Y. ( – Boasting “The Gray Lady is a lady no more,” Howard Stern’s Private Parts Media Corp. announced today it will buy The New York Times and… Read more

Your Work Habits Explained

New Haven, Conn. ( – Stick with us for a moment while we explain your situation. According to the latest jobless statistics, 6 percent of Americans are unemployed, meaning that… Read more

Debt-Ridden Unemployed Relieved to Learn U.S. Not In Recession

Chicago, Ill. ( – The nation’s rapidly growing army of unemployed breathed a collective sigh of relief Thursday after Chicago Fed Chief Michael Moskow announced that the U.S. economy is… Read more

Dot-Coms Sick of All the Survivor Analogies

San Francisco, Cal. ( – Executives at nearly a dozen flailing Internet companies said today they were “sick and tired” of all the analogies to the CBS show Survivor, and… Read more
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