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Honestly, We’re Not Making This SHT Up
Manchester, N.H (SatireWire.com) – After a year-long buildup during which it was known as the mysterious “Ginger” or “IT,” the revolutionary, scooter-like “Segway Human Transporter” was unveiled Monday without first being checked for its potential acronym.
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As a result, the media was full of Segway Human Transporter stories, while investors on Wall Street were hoping inventor Dean Kamen would take his cool Segway Human Transporter public so they could get a piece of Segway Human Transporter.
Word about the electric-powered transportation machine was leaked last year, but it took more than 10 years for Kamen and his team to get their Segway Human Transporter together. When the device was introduced Monday on ABC’s Good Morning America, riders who took an initial Segway Human Transporter spin were visibly impressed.
“I can’t believe this Segway Human Transporter!” said ABC’s Diane Sawyer. “It’s so fun and stable and quiet! Wow. Segway Human Transporter.”
“Boy, I hope no one’s looking because I really want to take a Segway Human Transporter right now!” joshed good-natured co-host Charles Gibson.
Gibson will have to wait, however. The company is currently producing only a big Segway Human Transporter for commercial use, and won’t make a little Segway Human Transporter for consumers until the 2002 holiday season, said Kamen.
At $3,000 each, however, the consumer model may be out of reach of all but the most generous of gift givers. “If it’s three grand, there’s no way I can give a Segway Human Transporter,” said Holly Dumal of Princeton, N.J. “I wish they’d make a cheap Segway Human Transporter.”
Kamen replied that the company would never give its Segway Human Transporter away, but promised a less expensive version was “definitely on our Segway Human Transporter list.”
Also in the works: a specially designed device for use by Pope John Paul that will speed the aging pontiff around the Vatican and St. Peters Square. It’s name: the Holy Segway Human Transporter.
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