Your Work Habits Explained

New Haven, Conn. ( – Stick with us for a moment while we explain your situation. According to the latest jobless statistics, 6 percent of Americans are unemployed, meaning that… Read more

NASA Just Goes Ahead and Launches Satellite

Vandenberg Air Force Base, Calif. ( – NASA today said it launched a $952 million satellite this morning “just for the hell of it.” “Oh, what the fuck,” said NASA… Read more

Dems Accused of Pointing Wrong Finger

Washington, D.C. ( – Democratic finger-pointing over how the Bush administration handled terrorist threats prior to 9/11 intensified today as Republicans accused their opponents of purposely pointing at the White… Read more

New Attention Deficit Drug Is… Um…

New York, N.Y ( – Drugmaker Eli Lilly and Co. on Wednesday said that late-stage tests of its experimental treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) showed it to be… Read more

FBI Vows to Address, Track, Record Concerns

Washington, D.C. ( – Seeking to quell fears it will abuse its newly acquired powers of surveillance, the FBI today promised it would not only respond to any concerns, but… Read more

MTV Show Kills Unsuspecting Man, Films His Hilarious Reaction

New York, N.Y. ( – MTV reality show “Harassment,” which recently placed a mutilated corpse in an unwitting couple’s hotel room and filmed their response, unveiled a laugh-out-loud new episode… Read more

Savvy Balloonist Starts Round-World Trip Halfway Round World

Northam, Australia ( – American tycoon Steve Fossett, making his sixth attempt to circle the globe alone in a balloon, predicted this trip will be successful because it’s starting in… Read more

Arabs Slyly Building Wall Around Israel

Tel Aviv ( – Israel today continued to believe it was building a massive fence to seal off the West Bank instead of unwittingly footing the bill to construct the… Read more

Ventura's Departure Bodes Ill for Wrestlers

St. Paul, Minn. ( – Saying he wanted to protect his family’s privacy, Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura announced this week he will not run for re-election, yet another sign that… Read more

Bush Finally Evacuated From White House

Washington, D.C. ( – In a marked improvement over their response to previous threats, federal agents evacuated President Bush from the White House today, just two days after a small… Read more
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