DENVER, CO. (SatireWire.com) – Following his weak showing in Wednesday’s debate with Mitt Romney, President Obama’s 20th wedding anniversary ended in further disappointment as sources say the First Lady refused to have anniversary sex with, “a man who has clearly lost his balls.”
Moments after returning to their Denver hotel room following the contest, Mrs. Obama reportedly turned out the lights and pretended to be asleep. A transcript of their post-debate debate follows:
PRESIDENT: Michelle? Honey? You asleep?
FIRST LADY: Yeah. I’m pretending to be you at the debate.
PRESIDENT: Look, I don’t wanna talk about this right now.
FIRST LADY: Are you talkin’ to me or Jim Lehrer? Cause you coulda said the same thing to him. Probably should’ve. Saved everybody the trouble.
PRESIDENT: Hey, I thought I connected at some points.
FIRST LADY: With the floor. You seemed very in touch with the floor. I imagine you’ve locked up the linoleum and parquet vote.
PRESIDENT: I wasn’t looking at the floor.
FIRST LADY: Oh, then why were you always looking down? To find your balls? Cause you clearly lost ‘em.
PRESIDENT: Oh c’mon baby. Was I that flat?
FIRST LADY: Stephen Hawking is more animated than you.
PRESIDENT: Alright, it wasn’t my best night.
FIRST LADY: And it isn’t going to get any better.
PRESIDENT: C’mon now, it’s our anniversary.
FIRST LADY: It’s your anniversorry.
PRESIDENT: I was just off my game.
FIRST LADY: And you’re not getting on my game. Now go to sleep.
PRESIDENT: But Michelle…
FIRST LADY: Barack, I’m gonna tell you what you told the American people tonight: ‘Right now, I’m not that into you.’
PRESIDENT: You’d refuse the President?
FIRST LADY: Just think of me as the United States of America.
PRESIDENT: You’re willing to say, ‘Yes we can?’
FIRST LADY: No, I’m suffering from high unenjoyment.
PRESIDENT: OK OK. … Look, if you don’t wanna… how ‘bout if we just…
FIRST LADY: I am not a ‘job creator,’ capice? Now go jump off a fiscal cliff.
PRESIDENT: (makes whooshing noise) Hey, what’s that?
FIRST LADY: What?
PRESIDENT: (makes jet engine noise)
FIRST LADY: Not now.
PRESIDENT: (makes louder jet engine noise)
FIRST LADY: I’m serious. Go away.
PRESIDENT: Better buckle up. Air Force One wants to come in for a landing!
FIRST LADY: You’re not cleared on this runway.
PRESIDENT: But it’s an emergency!
FIRST LADY: Too bad. Circle round and dump your fuel somewhere else.
PRESIDENT: After 20 years, I think I’m entitled to something.
FIRST LADY: Mr. President, you are entitled to your own airplane, to your own house, but you’re not entitled to me.
PRESIDENT: You sound like Mitt Romney.
FIRST LADY: Good. That seems to make you lose interest.
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