In Bed with Ned, Ted, W., and Ed

“Sometimes, when I sleep at night, I think of ‘Hop on Pop'”
– George W. Bush, in a speech about childhood education, AP, April 2, 2002

George: Pat… Cat…

Hop on Pop

Laura: George?

George: Pat sat on cat.

Laura: George honey?

George: No Pat no! Don’t sit on that!

Laura: George! Wake up!

George: Whuh…?

Laura: You were dreaming.

George: Drea… dreaming?

Laura: Yes dear. “Hop on Pop.” Again.

George: But there were fish. Three fish in a tree.

Laura: Oh George, fish in a tree? How can that be?

George: You’re right. Still, it seemed so real. And you were all there. Colin was Red, and Dick was Ned, and Ashcroft was Ted, and I was Ed.

Laura: And you were all in bed?

George: How did you know?!

Laura: That’s from the book, dear.

George: Oh. So we weren’t all sleeping together.

Laura: Actually, I wanted to talk with you about that…

Ashcroft: Morning Chief !

Colin: Hello Mr. President !

Dick: Hope my snoring didn’t keep you up, sir !

Red, Ned, Ted, and Ed in Bed

Laura: I’ll just go make some coffee.

George: Morning, fellas. Good sleep?

Colin: Ashcroft hogged the blankets again.

Ashcroft: These rubber sheets are cold!

Dick: Hey, we wouldn’t need the waterproof pad if you’d stop…

George: All right, never mind. Just want y’all to know that “Hop on Pop” has done it again. I’ve got the Middle East solution.

Colin: Sir?

George: I don’t have to tell y’all how many times “Hop on Pop” has saved my bacon. Like during the campaign, I couldn’t figure out how to get support from the minorities. Then I dreamed about that one part in “Hop on Pop”…

Dick: Yes sir. “Snack snack. Eat a snack. Eat a snack with Brown and Black.”

George: Those minority brunches went over big.

Colin: Suckered me in.

George: So last night I’m dreaming about “Hop on Pop,” and the solution for the Middle East hits me: Vroom.

Ashcroft: Vroom, sir?

George: Vroom. You know, it’s that powerful stuff Little Cat Z has under his hat. Cleans up snowspots just like that. ‘Cause, you know, all that pink snow had to go.

Dick: Sir, that’s not “Hop on Pop.” That’s from “The Cat in the Hat Comes Back.”

George: Really? Strange, I haven’t read that one yet.

Ashcroft: That’s probably my fault, sir. I talk in my sleep.

George: Ah, well, good thing you did. Vroom, boys, will fix everything. We just find this Little Cat Z, send him over to Israel, have him take off his hat, and Vroom! Everything’s cleaned up before Mother gets home.

Colin: Mr. President, I don’t believe Vroom actually exists.

George: So we’ll make some. We got a big defense budget, and if we need more money, we’ll just cut taxes again.

Laura: George?

George: Yep, stands to reason…

Laura: George? Honey?

George: … you cut taxes, you can spend more.

Laura: George, wake up!

George: Whuh…?

Laura: Honey, you were dreaming.

Laura: Also, the bed’s wet again.

George: Ashcroft!

Ashcroft: Sorry sir.

Copyright © 2002-2009, SatireWire.

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