PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA (SatireWire.com) – In what many are taking as a bad omen, famed prognosticating groundhog Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his hole this morning and saw Adolph Hitler’s shadow.
“This is probably not good sign,” remarked Phil’s handlers, moments after the groundhog surfaced.
Since the annual Groundhog Day tradition began in 1898, Phil’s appearance has always focused on predicting the end of winter, leaving observers unsure of how to interpret this year’s event.
“Phil is meteorological, not political, so this is a big change,” noted Bill Deeley, president of the group that oversees the festivities. “It makes you wonder if he’s trying to warn us about something.”
“Usually, if he sees his shadow, we say it’s six more weeks of winter,” added Punxsutawney Mayor Richard Alexander. “But technically, he didn’t see his own shadow, so… maybe it means an early Spring? That’ll be nice. For whoever is left to see it. Apparently.”
Meteorologists said that while interesting, the furry marmot’s annual emergence has little scientific meaning and no actual bearing on the weather. However, they pointed out, this year’s shadow didn’t seem to have anything to do with weather.
“They say animals sense danger before humans do, so maybe Phil senses something?” said Ben Friedman, acting director of the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. “I don’t know. I’m just trying to think of what’s different about this year than any year before. It’s almost like he’s trying to tell us that some person out there is a threat to our… hang on… oh, sorry, I’d like to say more but I’ve just been told by the White House that I can’t.”
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