Information Could Haven Fallen into Wrong Hands, Such as FBI

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In an alarming breakdown of internal security, the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation today was accused of passing classified, terrorism-related information to the United States.

Robert Mueller
FBI Director Robert Mueller tells reporters how he became suspicious when he found one hand speaking to the other hand.

The leak, in which information was successfully passed from an agent in the field to headquarters, was believed to be a first in FBI history.

FBI Director Robert Mueller, however, insisted the breach was detected before the classified documents could fall into the wrong hands, such as the CIA, the NSA, the Office of Homeland Security, the FAA, or any other U.S. law enforcement or security agency that could have made use of it. But Mueller was forced to concede that the FBI itself had gained access to the files.

He also admitted that the suspect likely had an accomplice on the inside.

“The agent in question sent the information to headquarters, which in itself might not have aroused suspicion,” said Mueller. “However, when a supervisor attempted to disseminate the information to Homeland Security, that tipped us off that something unusual was happening.”

The agent was immediately arrested and the supervisor placed on administrative leave.

As for a motive, Mueller speculated it was financial. “Our initial investigation shows that an agent in the field was being paid to gather information, which he was then passing on to his superiors,” he said. “In return for this subterfuge, the agent was furnished with a car and an annual salary.

“We believe the FBI was the source of this funding,” he added.

Particularly distressing, Mueller said, was the bravado displayed by the alleged mole. “He did this quite in the open, sending the information through the proper channels, apparently confident that he would not get caught.”

The FBI promised to eventually blame the CIA for the incident.

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