Ruling Lets Pilots Act All Crazy

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a long-awaited decision, the Transportation Security Administration today denied a request that would have allowed airline pilots to carry firearms in the cockpit, but said… Read more

FBI TARGETS PARANOID

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The FBI disclosed today that it has been systematically reading and deleting email messages sent to and from paranoid people. According to a Bureau spokesman, the… Read more

ACLU TAKES OVER TERROR INVESTIGATION, WILL FOCUS ATTENTION ON NO ONE IN PARTICULAR

“We Must Ask Nebraskans, Not Just Middle Easterners, What They Know” Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Sensitive to accusations of profiling specific groups, the Justice Department today announced that the American… Read more

ENERGY COMPROMISE CALLS FOR BURNING FOSSIL FUELS, ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIVISTS

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In a compromise that calls for the left and right to work together, energy company executives today proposed burning both fossil fuels and environmental activists, who… Read more

MICROSOFT WILL ADMIT TO AFFAIR WITH LEWINSKY

Company, Like President, Indiscreet; Should Get Same Killer Deal, Says Ballmer Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Only hours after President Clinton struck a deal to avoid prosecution by admitting he lied… Read more

FBI Offers Reward for Whereabouts Of FBI Investigation

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – More than six months after several letters containing weaponized anthrax were mailed across the country, FBI director Robert Mueller today announced his agency would offer a… Read more

AD NETWORK RELENTS

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) – Online advertising network DoubleClick, under fire from the New York state attorney general for its now-scrapped plan to personally identify Web surfers and their habits… Read more

U.N. SETS "GLOBAL MARCH MADNESS" FIELD

Selection Committee Gives U.S., China No. 1 seeds; Iraq a No. 3 in Mideast New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) Update – “March Madness,” the sobriquet of America’s NCAA college basketball tournament,… Read more

In Bed with Ned, Ted, W., and Ed

“Sometimes, when I sleep at night, I think of ‘Hop on Pop'” – George W. Bush, in a speech about childhood education, AP, April 2, 2002 George: Pat… Cat… Laura:… Read more

"HACKERS-FOR-NADER" DELIVER SURPRISE VICTORY

Group’s ‘Get Out and Change the Vote’ Campaign Influences Dozens of Races WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The Oval Office was snatched away from Al Gore and George W. Bush Wednesday… Read more
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