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CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

PETERSBURG, KY (SatireWire.com) – Creationists using a deep-faith telescope said today they have discovered a galaxy formed at the very beginning of time, nearly 6,000 years ago.

The galaxy, which they named “Michael” after one of the earliest angels, is about 6,000 light years from Earth, but not more, “because light did not exist before that time,” researchers explained.

A telescope (above) is an instrument that aids in the observation of remote objects by collecting electromagnetic radiation. A creationist telescope (below) is the exact same thing, but with the lens cap on.

The team’s discovery was immediately condemned by the American Astronomical Society, which said “Michael” is actually the Andromeda galaxy, which formed 9 billion years ago. In response, Bertram Hill, lead theophysicist at the subbasement Creation Science Observatory in Kentucky, said, “No it isn’t” and called the debate a tie.

Hill and his colleagues made their observations using a specially designed Deep Faith Creationist Telescope, which is a standard wide-field, Ritchey–Chrétien hyperbolic telescope, but with the lens cap on. From there, calculating the age of Michael, and the Universe itself, was simple, Hill said.

“We know this galaxy is about 6,000 years old because we know the Universe is 6,000 years old, and we know that because, contrary to what non-believers say, we’ve done the math,” said Hill. “Specifically, we’ve taken the ‘supposed’ age of the Universe – 13 billion years – and multiplied it by .000046, which gives us, as we suspected, the true age of 6,000.”

But why multiply the age of the Universe by .000046?

“Because that gives us 6,000,” said Hill.

Using this same multiplier, Hill said creationists plan to further shake up the scientific community by announcing that dinosaurs died out 3,000 years ago, Jesus was born last month, and Pittsburgh was founded on Tuesday.

© 2014 SatireWire.com

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