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Juno, NetZero Merger to Create Largest ISP To Someday Declare Bankruptcy

Briefs in a Brief

Los Angeles (SatireWire.com) – Struggling rivals Juno Online and NetZero announced a $70 million merger Thursday, instantly creating what will be the nation’s No. 2 Internet access provider, and the largest ISP to someday declare bankruptcy.

In the press conference to discuss the deal, NetZero CEO Mark Goldston said the combined company will continue to provide free Internet access while depending on advertising revenue, a path that allowed the firms to lose a combined $100 million last quarter, and has led the share prices of Netzero and Juno to soar to 95 cents and $1.47, respectively.

“Individually, our companies were not strong enough to exist and probably would have faded away,” explained Goldston. “But by combining operations, we will have a subscriber base of 7 million, which should prove very attractive to advertisers until we fold.”

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