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JOB NUMBERS MORE FUCKING CONFUSING THAN EXPECTED

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — The unemployment rate in September dropped to 7.8 percent while manufacturing job losses rose and temporary jobs declined and total jobs rose, numbers that  analysts said are way more fucking confusing than expected.

The Labor Department released this image of a bran muffin with its report just to mess with you.

With 114,000 jobs created in the month, the rate dropped below 8 percent for the first time since President Obama took office, which sounds encouraging, except the Labor Department also revised upward its figures for July and August, meaning that while the number of jobs rose, the number of jobs also fell, “so you fuckin’ figure it out,” the Labor Department noted.

“Clearly these numbers are very good if you look at them one way, and bad if your turn them the other way, and looked at straight on are the statistical equivalent of vomiting from the outside in and no I have no idea what I just said,” explained Wells Fargo analyst Chase Stepernick.

“OK, what I mean is, it’s great that employers actually added 142,000 jobs in August instead of the reported 96,000, and added 181,000 in July instead of the reported 141,000, but then adding only 114,000 in September looks worse, except that we only expected 113,000 for September, so in the end I fucking hate my job.”

Asked why unemployment went down while the combined number of unemployed and underemployed held steady at 14.7 million, Stepernick replied: “Bite me.”

The Department also noted the labor force participation rate rose slightly to 63.6 percent in September from 63.5 percent in August, which was a positive surprise completely negated by the fact that no one really has any idea what that shit really means.

On the political front, the Obama campaign hailed what it decided might possibly be the positive aspects of the report while Mitt Romney supporters accused the Labor Department of manipulating the numbers to make the President look good while stressing that those same numbers in fact make the President look bad which really makes no fucking sense either.

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