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SOLAR STORM SHUTS DOWN MITT ROMNEY

JACKSONVILLE, FL (SatireWire.com) – The massive solar radiation storm that struck Earth yesterday disrupted radio communications, knocked out satellite and computer systems, and shut down Mitt Romney for more than six hours.

A campaign technician works on an upgrade during Romney's down-time.

The autonomic presidential hopeful froze while giving a speech at 4:30 p.m. EST, and did not successfully reboot until 11 p.m. Observers in the room said they did not notice a marked difference, although campaign staff quickly called it one of Romney’s strongest speeches, as he did not change a previous position or make a remark that would alienate anyone making less than $5 million a year.

The blast of energy from solar storms can cause fluctuations in Earth’s magnetic field, temporarily affecting navigation, power, communications systems, and integrated circuitry of the type believed to control the former Massachusetts governor.

Romney staff members said they were surprised by the length of the outage, but insisted they were prepared.

“We’ve had this problem once before, back in October, when he accidentally got wet,” said Sandip Gulari, who heads the candidate’s internal technology team and did a system upgrade during the shutdown. “I want to assure all our supporters that the Romney… that is, Gov. Romney, sustained no damage during the incident.”

While this event will be gone by week’s end, scientists warn more powerful solar storms will arrive in the next few years. Romney advisors, however, insisted this would have little impact on his potential presidency.

“Presidents do get to take a rest, they sleep, they have down time,” said campaign manager Matt Rhoades. “President Romney will be no different. He just won’t have to close his eyes.”

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