Conceptual Realism Dominates Site No One Will Be Able to Use Anyway
MADRID, SPAIN (SatireWire.com) – The International Society of Cubists officially launched its Web site today, a brilliant rejection of natural form and perspective that metaphysically establishes the implication of movement, analytically redefines spatial relationships, and is an absolute bitch to navigate.
“What the hell is this? I can’t tell how to get anywhere,” one of the site’s first visitors told the Cubist Society’s Webmaster-Curator, Paulo Cassat. “Is this art, or is this a Web site?”
“Thank you,” Cassat responded.
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According to Society President Francisco Bernioz, the group launched the site to bring attention to Cubism, which was founded in the early 20th Century by Pablo Picasso and Georges Braque. The Society also hopes to establish a scholarship fund for young cubist painters and sculptors. However, at a public showing of the site here in Spain’s capital, most initial visitors were clearly uncomfortable with the design, especially the artists the site intends to help.
“This site is going to turn people off,” complained one young sculptor. “I mean, how do I get from the home page to, say, the fundraising form?”
“You must be willing to abandon your pre-conceived notions of traditional Web design,” replied Bernioz, “and disregard its nefarious standards of foreshortening, modeling, and chiaroscuro (the distribution of light and shade).”
“Uh-huh. But how do I find the link?” the young man persisted.
“You must embrace the idea that the link exists,” said Bernioz, “for once that idea is established, form itself can be forgotten.”
“You don’t know where it is, do you?”
“Not specifically, no,” Bernioz conceded. “It’s there somewhere. I think on a nonsequential parallel plane right behind the polygonal search box.”
The site – digital graphics, text, and HTML on browser – has fared no better with art critics, who immediately accused the cubists of stealing the absurd navigation and layout from MSNBC.com.
Editor’s Note: Due to popular inquiry, we are forced to make the following statement: there is no cubist Web site. It is a fictional site review by a real person. For real site reviews by a fictional person, please see Mr. Clickwell.
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