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STUDY FINDS WOMEN WHO DRINK WAY MORE FUN TO STUDY

“Younger women who drink two or three alcoholic beverages a week have a lower risk of developing high blood pressure than women who do not consume alcohol.” — Reuters

Research Finds Alcohol Affects Women’s Blood Pressure, Researchers’ Interest

Cambridge, Mass. (SatireWire.com) – According to a new study on female alcohol use and blood pressure, young women who consume two or three alcoholic drinks a week are much more fun to do research on than women who do not consume alcohol.

Interesting Woman Drinking
This woman reduced her risk of high blood pressure, and increased her interest among researchers, just by consuming a few drinks.

The report also found that women who have a few drinks each week are less likely to develop high blood pressure. Whatever.

The report, published in the Archives of Internal Medicine, studied drinking patterns and blood pressure among 70,000 nurses between the ages of 25 and 42.

Dr. Eric Shinauer, who headed the study for Harvard’s School of Public Health, put the findings in perspective. “Alcohol, 70,000 nurses, and us,” he said. “Is that cool or what?”

Shinauer and his colleagues, Dr. Andrew Sporata and Dr. Chandra Palava, conceded their initial grant was to study salt consumption. However, upon reflection, the trio decided that adjusting the parameters would dramatically heighten their interest in the research.

Explained Palava: “What it came down to was, did we want to say, ‘Here young lady, have some salt and let’s see what happens,’ or, ‘Here young lady, have a drink and let’s see what happens.’”

“We’re scientists, but we’re not dead,” he added.

In fact, Shinauer theorized there would be much more interest in studying women’s health issues if alcohol were involved. Reaction to his study seems to bear this out, as already, several leading universities say they will attempt to verify the group’s findings.

At Stanford University, epidemiologist Bruce Cawthorn said his department is very interested in testing Shinauer’s conclusion that women who have more than 10 alcoholic drinks a week increase their risk of developing high blood pressure by 30 percent. But more importantly, he added, his staff is “totally stoked” by the concomitant finding that these same women were also, statistically speaking, a blast.

Shinauer, however, insisted their most valuable conclusion was that researchers could do variations on this type of study for years. “We could do how alcohol affects blood pressure among female flight attendants, or how alcohol affects blood pressure among female strippers. We are so golden.”

Palava, meanwhile, said he is working on “the Holy Grail” for this area of study — a report on how drinking among young women affects drinking among young women. “We just have to figure out some statistically significant reason for doing it,” he said.

Palava bristled, however, at the suggestion that researchers should also study the effect of alcohol on young men. “Jesus, we’re not gay,” he said.

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