Demand Laws Prohibiting Obscene Shit Their Kids Are Picking Up Online
Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – A coalition of parenting groups today urged Congress to introduce a more stringent Communications Decency Act, arguing that profanity-filled Web sites are a bad influence on their children. “I used to think my kids got their potty-mouths from the shit they saw on TV and radio,” testified one frustrated parent. “But after surfing the Web, Jesus Fuckin’ Christ. That must be where they learn it.”
Speaking before a Senate panel, several dozen parents pleaded with lawmakers to revisit the Communications Decency Act, which was struck down by the Supreme Court in 1997 on First Amendment grounds.
“I believe the only way safeguard my children from the foul language they’re exposed to online is to pass a strong Internet Decency Act,” said Maria Zandavino, a mother of three from East Haven, Conn. “And don’t talk to me about filtering software. I use it and the little bastards must be getting around it ’cause they still swear like motherfuckin’ sailors.”
For parents like Rory Kennel of Kansas City, Mo., however, the issue goes beyond profanity.
“You’ve got sites out there that tell you to fuck authority and fuck your parents,” Kennel told the senators. “I don’t want my kids exposed to that disrespectful mentality, so I want you assholes to do something about it.”
Some parents contend that even minimal or indirect exposure to the Internet is dangerous. “I got a nine-year-old, in third grade, he can’t even fuckin’ read, okay?” said Philadelphia father of two, Anthony Miller. “But you know what? The kid swears out his ass all day long. It’s like, all these bad words, he absorbs them digitally or something.”
While Constitutional scholars believe any act restricting language on the Internet would eventually be struck down by the courts, it was clear that senators were moved by the often emotional testimony. In one of the more stirring moments, Billy Cadwaller, a father of one from Macon, Ga., described how the Internet has soured his relationship with his 11-year-old daughter.
“One night I came home late and went in to give my little girl a kiss, and she wakes up all coughing and blinking and says to me, ‘Oooo Daddy, you are shit-faced again,’” Cadwaller testified. “Now where did she learn that? I’ll tell ya. I went to that Googly search engine and found 95 sites had the phrase ‘you are shit-faced’ on ‘em. Ninety-fuckin’-five.”
“Fuck,” responded Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah.
But the day’s most poignant testimony came from Pamela Gottschalk, a single mother from Los Angeles who was able to draw a definitive connection between child behavior and the proliferation of obscene language on the Internet.
“How old’s the Web anyway? Maybe eight years or something?” Gottschalk said to the panel. “Well, my boy Joey is eight years old, and he’s a foul-mouthed dumb-ass little loser just like his father. Now you tell me there’s not a relationship there.”
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