Australia Reclassifies Refugee Detainment as Sport

Briefs in a Brief

Woomera, Australia ( – In a deft maneuver that effectively puts an end to protests over its policy of mandatory detention for refugees, the Australian government today declared the confinement of asylum seekers as a sport.

“Sport, eh? Well, why didn’t they say so?” exclaimed Woomera resident Malcom Hardy, who only moments earlier was one of hundreds of protesters battling police outside a local detention center. Speaking for his fellow demonstrators, Hardy went on to explain how they could suddenly prioritize a sport above their political beliefs. “We’re Australian,” he said.

Meanwhile, Australian Immigration Minister Philip Ruddock, now the Minister for Immigration Sport, said that detention centers would be relocated from remote areas to major Australian cities, an announcement that former protesters greeted with cries of “Refies, refies, oi oi oi!”

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