Morgan Stanley Misses Estimates Dearly

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – In an earnings statement that surprised analysts, Morgan Stanley Dean Witter announced this week it missed its third quarter estimates, and wishes like hell they… Read more

Israel Offers Palestinians Virtual State For Only $49.95 a Month

Jerusalem (SatireWire.com) – Proposing a compromise he hopes will ensure his nation’s security, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak announced Israel will allow the Palestinians to form an independent nation, but… Read more

New M&Enemas® Provide Instant Sugar Fix

Hackettstown, N.J. (SatireWire.com) – Need a little sugar kick going into that meeting but don’t want to wait the 90 seconds it normally takes for the sugar to get into… Read more

Still No Helmut Kohl Pics at Porn Sites

Los Angeles (SatireWire.com) – Former German Chancellor Helmut Kohl once again finished dead last in the latest PornoMetrix survey, which tracks the use of naked celebrity images on pornographic sites.… Read more

AOL Offers 25 Years Free Access For First Month

Dulles, Va. (SatireWire.com) – America Online, which recently launched a membership drive offering 700 hours of free Internet access in the first month, outdid itself today by announcing that new… Read more

Parker Bros. Replaces Monopoly Money With Cheaper Euro

Beverly, Mass. (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to cut production costs associated with its famous Monopoly board game, Parker Brothers announced today it will replace its colorful play dollars with… Read more

Microsoft Wants Case Heard By OJ Jury

Washingon, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a clarifying brief, Microsoft today urged the Supreme Court not to hear its antitrust case, but to send it to the jury from the O.J.… Read more

Dot-Coms Sick of All the Survivor Analogies

San Francisco, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – Executives at nearly a dozen flailing Internet companies said today they were “sick and tired” of all the analogies to the CBS show Survivor, and… Read more

Company Spokespeople Say Combined Merger Won't Lead to Surplus Excess of Redundant, Overlapping Spokespeople Job Positions

Redwood City, Calif. (SatireWire.com) – Spokespersons for Phone.com and Software.com, which plan to merge in a $6.4 billion deal, insisted today the combined merger won’t lead to a surplus excess… Read more

SatireWire to Lay Off Half of Staff

New Haven, Conn. (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to appear in sync with the Internet economy, online humor site SatireWire today announced it will lay off 50 percent of its… Read more
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