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European Central Bank to Intervene in Football Matches

Briefs in a BriefFrankfurt, Germany (SatireWire.com) – In a surprising tactical shift, the frustrated European Central Bank announced yesterday it will no longer intervene to bolster the sagging euro, but will instead intervene in English Premier League football matches. Its first test came in Saturday’s battle between Manchester United and Coventry, in which the Central Bank substituted German monetary theorist Otmar Issing for injured Man U. midfielder Paul Scholes in the 48th minute. Moments later, the 64-year-old Issing took a solid cross from teammate David Beckham and neatly tucked a header inside the near post. Manchester United won 2-1.

Central Bank President Wim Duisenberg immediately declared the win a policy victory, but Coventry manager Gordon Strachan was angry that he was forced to replace striker Moustapha Hadji with 61-year-old Finnish Central banker Sirkka Hämäläinen in the 33rd minute.

“Not only is Hämäläinen a woman, but she’s an economist,” Strachan complained. “Every time ManU pushed forward, she insisted they were going the other way.”


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