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CHRYSLER BUILDING COMES OUT AS GAY

NEW YORK CITY (SatireWire.com) — Inspired by 7-foot NBA center Jason Collins and towering Baylor basketball star Brittney Griner, Manhattan’s iconic Chrysler Building today joined the parade of really tall things coming out as gay.

After coming out, the Chrysler Building says it now feels inside the way it looks outside.

“I’m an 83-year-old Manhattan skyscraper. I’m silver. And I’m gay,” the 77-story building wrote in a first-person essay in Architectural Digest.

“I didn’t set out to be the first openly gay building in a major American city,” the art deco structure wrote. “If I had my way, someone else would have already done this. Like the Transamerica Pyramid in San Francisco. Oops! My bad.”

The Chrysler Building said it was encouraged to come out by towering centers Griner and Collins, both of whom recently told Sports Illustrated they were gay. But its quest to be comfortable in its own brick-and-steel skin goes back at least 12 years.

“After 9/11, when the Twin Towers came down, all us skyscrapers in New York got extra attention, we were treated special,” it wrote. “But I didn’t feel special. I felt like a thousand-foot fraud. I was tall and proud on the outside, but inside I was 77-stories of sad.”

The Chrysler Building was certainly not alone. According to renowned architect Cesar Pelli, about 20 percent of the world’s built environment is gay. Not surprisingly, most of the publicly gay structures are in Europe, where LBGT buildings are secure in their sexuality, (with the exception of the Vatican). American edifices have long been afraid to follow, but the Twitter response to the Chrysler Building’s announcement may change that.

“So proud of little bro #ChryslerBuilding for standing tall. RESPECT!” tweeted the Empire State Building.

“I’m proud to call the Chrysler Building a friend,” tweeted the neighboring MetLife Building. “Time for others to step up. Talking ‘bout you, Trump Tower.”

The stodgy old Woolworth Building on Broadway, however, didn’t share the enthusiasm, tweeting: “Am I the only one creeped about by the Chrysler Building? Don’t like idea of CB checking out my lower floors!”

“Always gonna be haters,” the Chrysler Building responded. “But what’s important is to love yourself.”

Indeed, with today’s announcement, one of the world’s most beautiful buildings said it finally feels, well, beautiful. Or in its words: “I’m architectural. I’m homosexual. Get used to it!”

Copyright © 2013, SatireWire.com

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