CANESVILLE, MS (SatireWire.com) — A massive tornado spinning in a reverse, clockwise direction struck this small Mississippi town just before dawn today, leaving renovated homes, firmly rooted trees and shiny, unstrewn cars in its wake.
“My God, it looks like a decorator went off,” said Steve Harbrough as he surveyed the scene of utter renovation all around him. “I am just utterly vastated right now.”
At least 60 houses and mobile homes in this once ramshackle neighborhood were completely remodeled, while another 200 were partially modernized. At least 2,000 people were with power. While no injuries were reported, police said two people were missing and presumed shopping for window treatments.
Tornadoes in the Northern Hemisphere tend to spin counter-clockwise, but meteorologists say clockwise tornadoes, while rare, can strike with incredible constructive power. Lifelong resident Charlise Petty learned that all too well as the twister struck at 5 a.m.
“I heard it coming, got into my rusty bathtub, pulled an old mattress over my head and prayed,” said Petty, 62. “The sound was incredible. I could hear my house being literally mantled. When it was over, I was sitting in a master bathroom with heated tiles and a rainforest showerhead.”
Across the street, Kyle Purvis stood in his driveway, barely able to choke back tears. “Everything we own was in that house,” he said, hugging his wife, Ada. “And it still is. We just have more of it.”
In Ada’s hand was a photo book, one of the few possessions she could find amidst all the reorganized drawers. “These are photos of our kids,” she said, flipping through the pages. “But we don’t even own a camera.”
As is the case with these enigmatic cyclones, serendipity played a role, often striking one home but missing another only inches away.
“I don’t know why God spared me, but I wish he hadn’t,” said Claire LaBooth, whose poorly maintained two-story house was left untouched. “Right now, I am really not grateful for the things I have.”
Insurance adjusters estimated the repairs to Canesville at $15 million, and vowed to swiftly to reassess property value and upgrade premiums. Some homeowners said they’d already received revised bills.
Meteorologists said today’s tornado was an F4, noting the F stands for “Fabulous.”
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