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NRA TO GUN OWNERS: BUY 2ND GUN TO PROTECT SELF FROM 1ST GUN

FAIRFAX, VA (SatireWire.com) – Conceding a firearm in the home increases the risk of gun-related violence, but sticking to their belief that the only way to stop someone with a gun is with a gun, the NRA today suggested firearm owners buy a second gun to protect themselves from their first gun.

Wayne "Two Guns" LaPierre

“It stands to reason that if a gun in the home is dangerous, and the best way to confront guns is with guns, then purchasing a second gun is the best way to protect yourself from your first gun,” said NRA chief executive Wayne LaPierre. “It’s like buying catastrophic health insurance, in that it has ‘catastrophe’ written all over it.”

Critics immediately accused the NRA of once again putting gun industry sales ahead of public safety, a charge the numbers would appear to support. Studies have shown that people who keep a gun in their home are almost twice as likely to die in a gun-related homicide, and 16 times more likely to use a gun to commit suicide, than people without a gun in their home.

But those reports, the NRA chief noted, did not study the “obvious, positive impact” of a second “safety gun.” For example, LaPierre said, his plan would undoubtedly reduce the number of gun-related suicides in the United States, which now stands at 19,000 annually.

“If someone wants to shoot themselves with a gun, that’s very difficult to stop, particularly if they have a 9mm, which by the way is a great choice for that, ” LaPierre said. “But if I have a second gun, and I make it clear that I will shoot myself if I shoot myself, then I’m going to think twice about shooting myself.”

“The truth is, most people, faced with a gun, will back down,” he added.

Similarly, LaPierre said he expects a sharp decrease in the nearly 20,000 gun-related accidents in the U.S. every year.

“I don’t know about you, but just knowing that I will intentionally shoot myself with my second gun if I accidentally shoot myself with my first gun would make me be a lot more careful,” he said.

Opponents called the NRA’s logic absurd. “If having one gun is dangerous, having two guns isn’t better, it’s twice as dangerous,” said New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg.

LaPierre, surprisingly, agreed. “The Mayor is right. We now suggest you buy four guns.”

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