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PEOPLE GET FLU WAITING IN LINE FOR FLU SHOTS

BOSTON, MA (SatireWire.com) — Americans crowding into hospitals, clinics and doctor’s offices to get flu shots are now the number one cause of the spread of the flu, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

Bostonians line up to spread the flu.

As a result, the CDC is warning Americans to get the flu vaccine as soon as possible provided they can figure out a way to do it without coming into contact with another human, particularly anyone waiting in long lines to get the flu vaccine as they may already have the flu due to their not having the vaccine yet, and their being crowded into places where other people also haven’t had the vaccine and may already have the flu.

“People need to get flu shots right away, absolutely,” urged CDC official Bradley Howard. “It’s not a panacea, of course. It can’t stop every strain, but it’s better than being unprotected, which, conversely, you would be if you actually try to go out and get a flu shot, which you should do, absolutely, although not by actually going outside.

“What we’re saying is, get the shot, now, before you get the flu,” Howard added. “But at the same time, don’t move.”

The CDC advisory went on to suggest the safest approach is for people to inject themselves with the vaccine. It also pointed out that people should never to attempt to inject themselves with vaccine.

The worst flu epidemic in years has afflicted thousands across the country and prompted the city of Boston to declare a health emergency. This weekend clinics across Boston will provide free vaccine. (Boston residents: for a list of where to get your shot, and possibly the flu, click here.)

In the meantime, health care providers at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston said they are just trying to administer the vaccine as quickly as possible.

“We’re basically just throwing needles at people as they come in,” said ER nurse Janet Ramaday. “Well, not when they come in, per se. We’re throwing them down from the roof while they line up outside. It’s working well in that the ones who don’t get stuck are running away, which will keep them from getting the flu.”

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