BOULDER, CO (SatireWire.com) — Applications to the University of Colorado have shot up 5,000 percent in the past 48 hours, leaving school officials “mystified and delighted” by the influx of more than a million new admissions forms.
In other news, Colorado legalized marijuana on Tuesday.
While some observers attributed the spike to Colorado’s Amendment 64, which legalized pot for recreational use, the University credited the sudden interest to the institution’s academic reputation.
“The University of Colorado is simply an outstanding academic institution, and obviously the country has finally recognized that,” said University President Bruce Benson. “Admittedly, it seems to be finally recognizing that in the past 48 hours, but young adults are impulsive.”
The school, which annually receives 24,000 applications, has gotten 1.2 million since late Tuesday. Although many are from students who seem unable to even spell, thousands are from candidates who would normally opt for Ivy League colleges.
“It’s funny because for bright kids, they don’t seem to have put much thought into their essays,” said admissions officer Carol Clarke. “I have one that just reads, ‘Please oh please oh please oh please oh please!’
“Honestly, some of them haven’t even bothered to do their homework,” Clarke added. “Several of them ended their essays with, ‘Go Puffaloes!’ I mean, 10 points for enthusiasm, but it’s Buffaloes, not Puffaloes.’”
Clarke warned applicants not to expect an answer soon as the mountain of forms will take time to vet.
“Beyond the essays, we have to read their transcripts and recommendations, and verify their test scores,” she said. “It’s not just SATs and ACTs. Some of them also submitted their THC scores. We don’t even know that that is.”
With 30,000 students on its 786-acre campus, UC will not be able to accept all the applicants even if it wanted to, said President Benson, although he suggested another recent trend may enable them to expand.
“Right now we have 1,300 full-time faculty, but in another strange coincidence, we seem to have suddenly received 400,000 resumes for teaching positions,” he said. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Good teachers want to go where the good students are.”
Meanwhile in Oregon, which also voted to legalize marijuana on Tuesday, the state university said it expects to welcome a 2013 freshman class of 4.7 million.
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