SAN FRANCISCO (SatireWire.com) – In a spirited stump speech today, Mitt Romney denied he has changed positions or tacked to the left, although observers couldn’t help but notice the Governor was dressed in drag and wore a rainbow-colored U.S. lapel pin.
“My opponents say I’m inconsistent, that I lack conviction,” said the Governor, sporting a red Oscar de la Renta dress, belted at the waist, with elbow-length sleeves and a slightly belled skirt. “But I have always believed in fairness. I have always believed in equality. I have always said I will equally represent the men and women of this great country because, obviously, I am equally a man and woman of this great country.”
Romney advisers and supporters quickly backed the noticeably transgender candidate, insisting he had not changed at all.
“This is not news. This is not inconsistent,” said running mate Paul Ryan. “Remember, until recently, even people in the Republican Party were saying Romney was a drag on the ticket. This is what everyone meant – a guy in drag on the ticket.”
Reacting to Democratic accusations that the GOP candidate was tacking to the left yet again, the Romney campaign blamed the liberal media for refusing to see the woman inside, who has been there all along.
“It’s ironic that the so-called ‘liberals’ who insist we don’t judge a president by the color of his skin are suddenly judging the Governor by the color of his skirt,” said senior adviser Bay Buchanan. “Mr… Mrs… Governor Romney said only last week that he supported 100 percent of America. Why? Because he is the 100 percent.”
In a discussion on the television show “Fox & Friends” this morning, co-anchors Steve Doocey, Gretchen Carlson and Brian Kilmeade buoyed the campaign’s claim.
DOOCEY: So Mitt Romney is a woman. How is that a surprise?
KILMEADE: Right. I mean ‘Duh.’ He’s changed his mind so often, of course he’s a woman!”
DOOCEY: No no Brian. You mean he hasn’t changed. Think about it. Remember that time he said he was worried he might get a pink slip? He was literally talking about buying a pink slip.
CARLSON: And when he told ABC he wears, ‘as little as possible’ to bed? It’s because of the L’Oreal Overnight Moisturizer. That stuff sticks to your negligee.
DOOCEY: Yeah. And what was the first thing you thought that time when Romney said he liked firing people?”
KILMEADE: I thought, ‘What a bitch!’
KILMEADE: And what about all the lying he’s been doing? I mean, my wife lies to me all the time. And she’s a woman, too!
DOOCEY: No Brian, you mean she’s consistent with you.
KILMEADE: Right. Lies consistently. But who can blame her?
Back in San Francisco, Romney insisted his appearance should not be interpreted as an attempt to garner the female vote, or as a change in his stance against gay marriage.
“I still believe and have always believed that marriage should be defined as the union of one man and one woman,” he said. “But I refuse to define what a man or woman is.”
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