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Friday September 19th 2014    Become a Fan on Facebook   Follow Us On Twitter

U.S., ISRAEL AGREE ISRAEL DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT WHAT U.S. THINKS

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) — In what aides described as a “cordial, constructive” meeting on Iran’s nuclear threat, President Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu agreed Monday that Israel really doesn’t give a shit what the U.S. thinks.

"America stands with Israel, and Israel stands with Israel," Netanyahu told reporters.

“The Prime Minister and I share much more common ground than we did even a few hours ago,” said the President of the 3-hour meeting. “Most importantly, we have come to a mutual understanding on the issue of bombing Iran. He’s going to do what the fuck he wants whether I like it or not, and I agree that he’s going to do what the fuck he wants whether I like it or not.”

While Obama still hopes Israel will wait for diplomacy to work, Netanyahu repeated his stance that his country needs to be the master of its own fate. However, that does not mean the U.S. won’t play a role.

“Mr. Netanyahu has assured me that the United States will have a say in whatever Israel does,” Obama said. “For instance, Mr. Netanyahu might call me and say, ‘We just bombed Iran,’ and I will say, ‘Oh.’”

The Prime Minister echoed those sentiments. “No one should ever doubt that America stands with Israel, and Israel stands with Israel,” he said.

Obama, facing election-year pressure from Israel’s U.S. supporters and Republican contenders, sought to reassure Netanyahu the United States was keeping its own military option open as a last resort. “When it comes to your security, you should know the United States will always have Israel’s back,” Obama said.

“Yes, good,” Netanyahu replied, “because that is the part we are showing you.”

While some Democrats complained that Obama had not been strong enough, Netanyahu did make some concessions. Of particular note: the Prime Minister promised to let the President know about any Israeli military action before he sees it on CNN.

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