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JEREMY LIN SETS KNICKS RECORD FOR NOT SUCKING

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) – With seven consecutive strong games under his belt, point guard sensation Jeremy Lin has set a New York Knicks franchise record for not sucking.

Lin also set team records for not sucking in game, not sucking on a road trip, and not sucking on his home debut.

Lin actually set the record after two consecutive games, but club officials said they were too stunned to realize it at the time.

The Knicks, who last won a championship in 1973 and have a combined 321-499 record (39%) in the last decade, were 8-15 before “Linsanity” took hold. The club-altering moment came on Feb. 4, when Lin played a solid first half against the New Jersey Nets and Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony urged coach Mike D’Antoni to let Lin start the second half.

“Coach, put him back in,” Anthony said. “This kid’s different. He doesn’t suck.”

“I know. What’s he doing here?” D’Antoni’s responded.

Since then, the Asian-American wunderkid has averaged more than 20 points and 8 assists, leading the Knicks to a .500 record on the season.

“It’s dizzying way up here at .500,” said forward Jared Jeffries, now in his sixth season with the Knicks. “Seriously. I passed out for the entire fourth quarter last night.”

Analysts say Lin has gotten this far because of hard work, dedication, and the fact that he wasn’t drafted by the Knicks, “because if had he would have sucked.”

“That Lin has played even this long without failing is remarkable because, well, you know… Knicks,” said WFAN’s Mike Francesa. “I think it’s going to take longer than usual for New York fans to turn on him and started chanting, ‘Linbecile! Linbecile!’”

New York Daily News sportswriter Mike Lupica agreed. “Right now it’s amazing we can rely on this unsung Asian-American kid to be our leader. But eventually it will be inexcusable that we rely on this unsung Asian-American kid to be our leader. Sorry, it will be ‘Linexcusable.’ I get first dibs on that one.”

“Alright, but I’ve got Lineffective, Linept, and appallin’,” Francesa responded. “Not that I’m saying that’s gonna happen soon, but, well, you know… Knicks.”

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