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CONGRESSWOMAN ACCUSED OF INAPPROPRIATELY PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP WITH MALE STAFFER

WASHINGTON (SatireWire.com) – Democratic Illinois Congresswoman Jennifer Wigan faces ethics charges after admitting to a platonic, respectful, and mutually fulfilling professional relationship with a male staffer.

According to sources, the married Wigan, 46, and legislative assistant Tyler Keen, 23, became asexually involved when Keen came to Washington in 2010. Since that time, the pair have worked many late nights in close quarters, and traveled together often, leading — some say inevitably — to a working friendship based on open communication and trust.

Four years ago, Rep. Jennifer Wigan was accused of having sex with her husband, but was re-elected anyway.

Capitol staffers said Wigan and Keen seldom try to hide their relationship, which they describe as “intellectually charged.” One former Wigan aide said the two email each other regularly, often about issues critical to the nation, and even sign off with, “Thank you,” or,  “Please prepare a summary of the bill for the 10 a.m. staff meeting.”

While Wigan maintains that working with aides solely on legislative issues should be part of her job, House Ethics Committee Chairman Jo Bonner, (R-AL), said allowing her behavior to go unchecked would be a disservice to scandal-plagued members like Rep. David Wu, (D-WA), and former Rep. Anthony Weiner, (D-NY).

“Everybody knows the most important thing for a man in a relationship is sex, and everybody knows the most important thing for a women in a relationship is respect and trust and communication and emotional understanding,” said Bonner. “Clearly, Rep. Wigan has been having the female equivalent of sex with a staff member.

“We cannot have a double standard,” he continued. “If Congressmen aren’t allowed to have sex outside of marriage, then I don’t see why Congresswomen should be allowed to have their version of sex outside of marriage.”

But Wigan’s husband, real estate developer Glenn Acego, said he sees nothing wrong with the relationship, adding that Keen has often been to their house for dinner.

“Tyler’s just a great guy,” Acego said. “He and my wife can talk for hours about energy policy and debt restructuring and other things that frankly I don’t have an interest in.”

“My God, what a fool,” said Bonner.

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