ORLANDO, FL (SatireWire.com) – Casey Anthony is headed to Washington, according to analysts who say she has everything it takes to be a successful politician: she is skilled at deception, she lives in a fantasy world, and, most importantly, she quit her job after just two years.
With those credentials and unparalleled name recognition, Anthony is expected to announce her intention to run for public office upon her release from prison July 17, where she is serving time for lying to police. Political insiders say both parties are vying to win her loyalty, but as yet she has given nothing away.
“Is she liberal with the truth, or just conservative with the facts? It depends on your interpretation,” said GOP strategist Ed Rollins. “Personally I think she’s a Republican. By inventing the Hispanic nanny, she understands the importance of placing blame on immigrants.”
Democratic strategist Paul Begala disagreed.
“She led government authorities on one wild goose chase after another, and as a result she wasted hundreds of thousands in taxpayer dollars,” Begala said. “I suspect she’s one of us.”
No matter which party she chooses to represent, CNN analyst David Gergen believes Anthony will immediately fit into Washington.
“This is a person who excels at deflecting blame, puts her own self-interest ahead of future generations, and tends to publicly flaunt her body at the most inappropriate times,” said Gergen. “On top of that, she fills a vacancy in Washington right now. Her name is Anthony and she’s the female equivalent of a wiener.”
Thanks to her three-year incarceration, Gergen also implied the 25-year-old is already well-connected in the Florida government system, and possibly higher: “While she doesn’t have the President’s ear, she does have the President’s ears,” he noted.
To Republican pollster Evan McNeal, it all comes down to having the right temperament for the job.
“Philosophically, a politician should serve the lowest in society while acting as a restraint on its highest powers,” McNeal said. “I think Casey already does this. She serves the lowest in society – herself – while impeding the highest power – Nancy Grace.”
However, some Florida residents, still angry over the verdict in which she was cleared of murder charges, argued that Anthony is unfit to run.
“She had fake friends, fake homes, a fake job — everything about her is fake,” said Orlando dental hygienist Angela Barnes. “So how does that make her qualified to be… oh, right.”
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