ABBOTTABAD, PAKISTAN (SatireWire.com) — Pakistan’s government today rejected claims it was excluded from the assault on Osama bin Laden, insisting it had “proudly” taken part in all aspects of the planning, training, and implementation of the operation that involved Pakistan having no idea what was going on.
“In deciding not to inform us, America recognized how vital it was that we not know, that in truth our ignorance was key to the success of the operation,” said Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari. “In fact I was shown the operation brief today, and right at the top, in very big red letters, were the words, ‘Don’t tell Pakistan!’ So this is proof that we were part of the operation literally from the beginning.
“Honestly. We are right there, in the first sentence,” he added. “I do not understand how people are not seeing this.”
U.S. Navy Seals went into Abbottabad late Sunday, killing the al Qaeda leader and removing his body. Distrusting the Pakistani government, which had repeatedly insisted bin Laden was not in their country, the U.S. did not tell its ally of the assault until American forces were clear of Pakistani air space. But U.S. officials agreed that Zardari and Pakistan’s intelligence services had made “immeasurable” contributions.
“Pakistan has been a great help in the war on terror in much the same way that, say, a bowl of soup is a great help in stopping an elephant,” gushed CIA Director Leon Panetta. “I have no doubt that this is not the last time we will turn to Pakistan’s leaders for help and then, thinking better of it, turn away.”
As for bin Laden’s presence in his country, Zaradi insisted it should not be seen as embarrassing. “Bin Laden lived in with us a very long time and we did not know it, so therefore it is the brave, persistent ignorance of Pakistan that kept this terrorist from being in a more remote location where an attack would have been much more difficult,” he said.
Zardari said President Obama had not traveled to Pakistan to thank him, but conceded he might be somewhere in Pakistan, they just haven’t found him.
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