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Wednesday July 23rd 2014    Become a Fan on Facebook   Follow Us On Twitter

U.S. TO FORGET AFGHANS AHEAD OF 2014 SCHEDULE

KABUL, COUNTRY NEXT TO PAKISTAN (SatireWire.com) — Vice President Joe Biden today vowed America will not repeat past mistakes by abandoning Afghanistan after U.S. troops leave, but will instead begin to forget about the country now, well ahead of the 2014 withdrawal.

President Karzai accepts the gift of an American made power vacuum from Vice President Biden.

“One thing history has taught us is that if you go into a country, if you give weapons to its people and lead them in armed conflict, you cannot just turn your backs on them as soon as you leave,” Biden said in a meeting with Afghan President Hamid Karzai.

“To avoid that, we’re going to begin forgetting now, three years ahead of time, so the people of… that place we’re talking about, can prepare themselves for not having us care.”

Biden, who has met with Karzai before, began the meeting by introducing himself to the president, and then failing to find Afghanistan on a map. He said pre-abandoning the country would lessen the shock to its people, and diffuse the ensuing anger by spreading it out over a longer period of time.

“Mr. Kazmir, the people of… oo, you’re testing me here… begins with an ‘A’… deserve no less from us after all they’ve been through. Which is… what, exactly? See, I’ve forgotten already.”

Karzai appeared to be unhappy with the Vice President’s remarks, and noted that America had abandoned Afghanistan before, specifically after helping mujahadeen rebels fight off the 1980 Soviet invasion.

“You gave guns to us to fight your enemy, then when the fighting was over, you left and ignored us,” Karzai said. “Our country was in ruins.”

“What country was that?” Biden replied.

Karzai went on to say that the void America left allowed the Taliban to come to power, and enabled al Qaeda to emerge. “I believe that will happen again,” he said.

“OK, so you’ve got a plan. That’s terrific,” Biden answered.

The two exchanged gifts at the end of their meeting. Karzai gave Biden a traditional Afghani hat, called a Pakol. In return, the Vice President gave Karzai an American-made power vacuum.

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