PHOENIX, AZ (SatireWire.com) — The ‘ish’ in the word English has been secretly replaced by the ‘ish’ from the word Spanish, according to anti-immigration groups who claim it is part of the “relentless campaign to de-Anglicize America.”
Hispanic groups immediately denied the allegation, although they refused to comment on recent reports of widespread back-slapping and snickering in Spanish-speaking communities. But self-proclaimed “Ishers” weren’t buying the denials.
“They’ve taken over half of the word English just like they’ve taken over half of this country,” said Ish First America founder Richard Oberlin, who refused to explain how the 3-letter ‘ish’ can be half of the seven-letter word ‘English.’ “Using the ‘ish’ from Spanish, which looks and sounds so much like our own ‘ish,’ that’s the way you infiltrate a country. From within.”
Janice Tuckerell, a St. Paul, Minn.-based Isher, said the change has been long coming.
“They’ve been preparing us for a while, combining their words with ours, like Taco and Bell. Or Frito and Lay,” said Tuckerell. “Now they’ve taken half of English. Next it’ll be the whole word. We’ll be speaking English, but we’ll call it Spanish, and no one will even notice.”
Just what to do about the alleged syllabic theft is a hot topic in Isher circles.
Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer today proposed a Constitutional amendment declaring that the ‘ish’ is an English ‘ish’ and not the Spanish ‘ish’. “Either that or we just call it ‘Engl’ so that it’s clear that our nation’s language is not in any way Spanish,” she said.
Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, speaking this morning at a spontaneous, grass-roots Isher rally heavily promoted on Fox News, agreed. “You know what? They can keep their gosh-darned ‘ish.’ We don’t want it!” Palin said to cheers of “Yes!”, “¡Si!”, and “¡Por favor, pulse mis cajones!”
“We’ll keep our good-old ‘Engl’ that was made right here in the U.S. of A,” she added.
In actuality the ‘Engl’ root of the word English is derived from the name of the Germanic tribe, the Angles, who settled in Britain in the 5th Century. It is widely considered the third most commonly spoken language on Earth. While some support Palin’s call for renaming the language ‘Engl,’ commentator Lou Dobbs believes Americans should stand and fight.
“The majority of people in this country – for now — still speak English,” said Dobbs. “I don’t think we should change anything. Hispanics should be the ones to lose their ‘ish’. They should speak Span. In fact that’s what I’m going to call their language from now on: Span. The use of ‘ish’ should only go to people born in this country.”
For Ishers like Glenn Beck, the consequences are dire.
“There was a time in this great country – before Obama and Pelosi and microwave ovens and child labor laws — when we all spoke English, and we were just so, so proud of that,” a tearful Beck told his television audience today. “Well America, the sad truth is that we’ve lost our ish and it’s time we took it back.”
“If we don’t – God help us but if we don’t – well, this is what will happen,” said Beck, who then wrote the word ‘English’ on a blackboard, broke his chalk while circling the ending ‘ish’, then forcefully drew an arrow to the misspelled word ‘Venezuala.’
However, U.S. Constitutional scholars said even if the change were made, little can, or should, be done. “It doesn’t matter where the syllable came from, the language is still English,” said Yale University Prof. Henry Blomquist. “It’s really nothing to be upset about. It’s not as if they took the first few syllables of the Constitution and substituted it with their word for Constitu…”
“… those bastards,” Blomquest added.
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