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ELATED MCCAIN KISSES GENERALS AFTER TESTIMONY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Three of the four U.S. armed service chiefs told lawmakers Friday they opposed an immediate repeal of ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,’ but their testimony was cut short when repeal opponent Sen. John McCain, seemingly overjoyed with their statements, leapt the dais and kissed each of the generals squarely on the mouth.

Marine Gen. James Amos refused to move as McCain wrapped his arms around him.

“Yes! Oh my God, yes! That’s what I’ve been saying!” McCain yelled as he hurled himself at the generals, who were explaining that they did not support homosexuals serving openly when the country was at war.

“Give Johnnie some sugar!” the senator added, then proceeded to kiss noticeably shocked Air Force Gen. Norton A. Schwartz, Marine Corps Gen. James F. Amos, and Army Chief of Staff Gen. George W. Casey Jr.

Chief of Naval Operations Adm. Gary Roughead, who had told the committee he supported repeal, was rebuffed. “Nothing for you!” McCain snipped, throwing the admiral what Roughead later insisted was as a testy glare.

McCain has stubbornly opposed repeal of the law, which prohibits homosexuals from serving openly. Despite testimony in favor of repeal from Defense Secretary Robert Gates and Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Adm. Mike Mullen, McCain had been insisting the heads of each service needed to voice their opinions. When they did so in McCain’s favor, he seemingly could not contain himself and liplocked the generals.

“Whoa now, stand down sailor!” roared Gen. Schwartz, angrily wiping his mouth. “What the hell was that about?”

“No no no no no … aw Jesus Christ!” shouted Gen. Casey as he attempted, and failed, to push the Arizona Republican away.

Committee Chairman Sen. Carl Levin loudly gaveled the meeting to a close, which he had threatened to do several times due to McCain’s behavior during the proceedings.

McCain blows a kiss toward Army Chief of Staff George Casey.

As the generals were entering the committee room, McCain was heard to whisper, “Oh my God it’s them it’s them,” to a staffer before standing up and screaming, “I love you guys!” so loudly that Levin had to gavel him down. McCain stifled his outbursts but continued to wave at the three military chiefs whenever one of them looked his way.

“He wasn’t just waving. He was blowing me kisses,” Amos said after. “That was… awkward.”

“He was making eyes at me,” said Schwartz. “I’m in the Army and I know when a man is making eyes at me. He was making eyes at me.”

McCain’s unusual interest in Schwartz became apparent early on as the committee members, each in turn, welcomed the Army leader.

MCCAIN: General, I want to thank you for coming to speak to this committee. You look hot.
SCHWARTZ: It is a little warm in here.
MCCAIN: That’s not what I mean.
LEVIN (gaveling): Order! Order!
MCCAIN: OK, I’ll take one of him, one of him, and one of him!

The surprising behavior caused several in attendance to question the senator’s sexuality, which had never come under scrutiny before, including during his 23-year Navy career. McCain, however, gruffly refused to address the issue when approached later. “Don’t ask,” he said.


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