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AMERICANS NOT SURE THEY HAVE ENOUGH EXTRA HATE TO DEAL WITH BUSH JUST NOW

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) — George W. Bush has resurfaced to promote his new book “Decision Points,” but Americans say their hatred for political parties, the media, Wall Street, BP, the economy, tax cuts, Lady Gaga, and Newt Gingrich has left them with no room to get properly angry with anyone else and have asked the former president to please come back later.

Americans can't be bothered right now to look back in anger.

“If he could just try again maybe next year, I could possibly get irritated enough to hate him again, but right now I’m really booked up and need to focus,” said Ann Arbor Michigan resident Jeanne Gruben, who states she is currently angry with the Tea Party, the deficit, the Afghan war, and Brett Favre. “Actually, I do kind of hate that Bush would come back now when I can’t really spare any hate. Oh God. See? I’m losing focus already.”

Bush, who left office with the lowest approval rating for a modern president, is a polarizing figure. His recent interview with NBC’s Matt Lauer, in which he defended torture and the decision to wage war in Iraq, should have given ample cannon fodder to his detractors. But for the most part, it hasn’t.

“Back in the day I would have wanted to slap that smirk off (Bush’s) face,” said 23-year-old New Yorker Tina Hendricks, who only watched part of the interview because she can’t stand The Today Show. “But I’ve only got two hands, and right now they’re busy hypothetically slapping the smirks off the faces of Glenn Beck and Mel Gibson.”

With two wars, high unemployment, and “Mad Men” going off the air, Americans have much to be upset about, said University of Texas psychology Prof. Steven Wyngate, who took time from his hatred of The New York Times, the EPA, LeBron James and Ariana Huffington to do an interview. The rise of the Internet and partisan media, he said, has allowed people to spread anger and rumor more quickly and efficiently. But there are limits.

“It’s true what they say, that Americans have a big spleen,” Wyngate noted. “We really are capable of so much hate. But right now we’re stretched thin. That’s why Bush’s book probably won’t do that well. Most people will buy it just to make themselves angry, but their spleens won’t be in it.”

For Los Angeles firefighter Gary Sharp, who currently can’t stand Keith Olbermann, Oprah, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Facebook, Bush’s reappearance threatens to further remove the country from its traditional hatred of foreigners.

“I love America, or at least my half of it. And that’s just wrong. We need to get back to a time when we hated Saddam Hussein and Fidel Castro and the Ayatollah. Right now, I can’t name a single foreign leader I really hate. Not one. And I’m an American! That is fucked up.”

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