INVESTORS STUNNED TO LEARN CISCO NOT JUST STOCK, ALSO COMPANY THAT MAKES THINGS

Betrayed Shareholders Not Particularly Interested in Routers, Switches San Jose, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – The rumors about Cisco Systems have been circulating for months, but the earnings warning and plunge in… Read more

OZONE HOLE NO LONGER GROWING; WE'LL NOW HAVE MORE TIME TO BLOW SELVES UP

Polluters, Nuclear Proponents, Also Express New Spirit of Optimism Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Visibly relieved NASA scientists this week announced the hole in the ozone layer is no longer expanding,… Read more

65 COMPUTERS SEIZED IN SOFTWARE PIRACY CRACKDOWN

“Law enforcement officials on Tuesday launched a crackdown on Internet piracy of software programmes, seizing at least 65 computers.” – Financial Times, Dec. 12, 2001. Only 299,999,935 Computers Still Left… Read more

TECH HOLIDAY CARDS

SEND A FRIEND SOME SATIRE FOR THE HOLIDAYS NEW HAVEN, CONN. (SatireWire.com) – Why say it in person when you can say it so much less personally online? Peruse our… Read more

NET STRUCK BY WAVE OF TANGENTIALISM CLOUDS DEPRESS ME

Hackers Suspected of Spreading Code that Causes Like Save the Whales Big Splash RESTON, VA. (SatireWire.com) – Internet sites from Ashford.com to ZDNet today reported being hit by a mysterious… Read more

WINDOWS HAS FRENCH DNA

May Explain Software’s Surly Behavior, Say Analysts REDMOND, WASH. (SatireWire.com) – Microsoft revealed today it has been regularly embedding DNA strings from a French citizen into the code of its… Read more

Report That Pessimists Die Sooner No Big Surprise to Pessimists

“People who are overly pessimistic tend to have worse health long-term than their more positive peers, US researchers report.” – Reuters, Aug. 13 New York (SatireWire.com) – A study issued… Read more

"Homeless" Reclassified As "Mobile Internet Users"

Washington, D.C.. (SatireWire.com) – According to a new directive from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the estimated 750,000 Americans once considered “homeless” will be reclassified as “mobile… Read more

"CokeSpill" Virus Strikes Innnnntel, DDDDDellll

Cupertino, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – A computer virus labeled “CokeSpill,” which mimics the spill of a Coca-Cola on a computer keyboard, has infected computers at Innnntel, Suuuuun Microooosystems and DDDDellll, said… Read more

MEDIA METRIX CHANGES MEASUREMENT TERMS

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) – Internet audience measurement firm Media Metrix, seeking to differentiate itself from competitors NetRatings and PC Data, announced yesterday it will no longer use the term… Read more
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