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ROBERTSON STEPS DOWN TO ENJOY PRIVATE LIFE OF INTOLERANCE

“Pat Robertson stepped down as leader of the Christian Coalition after more than a decade in charge of the conservative organization.” – AP, Dec. 6, 2001

“My Family Needs Me to Be Insular for Them Now,” He Explains

Norfolk, Va. (SatireWire.com) – The Rev. Pat Robertson stepped down as the leader of the fundamentalist Christian Coalition yesterday, saying he was proud of the group’s accomplishments, but wanted to spend more time being divisive and narrow-minded with his family.

pat robertson

“Since founding the Coalition, I have spent the past 11 years spreading religious intolerance and insular values to a national audience,” said the Rev. Robertson, 71. “While I have greatly enjoyed this experience, I think it is time I relinquish that very public role and focus on spreading religious intolerance and insular values among those closest to me.”

In a press conference Thursday, Robertson’s wife, Adelia, joked that she wasn’t sure she wanted her husband, “just puttering around the yard, damning our Muslim gardener,” but added it would be nice to finally have a puritanical dogmatist around the house.

“There are so many little things he hasn’t had time for,” she said. “While he was out there in the spotlight with Jerry Falwell, blaming the attacks of Sept. 11 on abortion, feminism and vice, he never had time to call upon God to smite our gay neighbors, Bob and Glenn.”

“Or just last month, one of our little granddaughters brought over her Jewish classmate Leah, but Pat wasn’t there to explain to the girl that her people only suffer so because they murdered our Lord and Savior,” she added.

“It’s true,” Robertson interrupted. “I’ve been called the ‘Most Dangerous Man in America,’ but I haven’t exactly been the threat I could be at home.”

“There’s still time dear, there’s still time,” said Adelia as she gently rubbed his shoulder.

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