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Friday October 24th 2014    Become a Fan on Facebook   Follow Us On Twitter

Lucent Stays Focused on Losing Money

Briefs in a BriefMurray Hill, N.J. (SatireWire.com) – In the most hopeful sign yet that the American economy may be returning to normal, Lucent Technologies posted another staggering quarterly loss on Tuesday.

Lucent CEO Henry Schacht said posting the $8.8 billion net loss, its fourth consecutive quarterly deficit, proves that terrorists have not been totally successful in disrupting the American way of life.

“We’ve said for months that we would lose money, again. Everyone expected us to lose money, again, and despite everything that’s happened, we did it,” Schacht boasted. “I think it’s a good message for everybody: if we let the terrorists change our normal routines, if we allow them to change the way we function, then they win. Well not this time.”

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