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TRANSCRIPT OF DEATH CEO CONFERENCE CALL


Related Stories:
* Death's SEC Filing
* Death Files for IPO

Moderator: Thank you all for calling in. In a moment, Mr. Robert Death, the chief execution officer of Death, Inc., will make a statement regarding the company's announcement today that it has filed for an initial public offering and intends to trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Due to SEC restrictions, he will not be able to address future earnings estimates, but will be able to discuss the nature of Death's business. And now, Mr. Death.

Mr. Death: Thank you all for joining us on this important day. I'll make a short statement, then open the floor to questions. As you know, Death, Inc. has filed to go public, so let me first address why. Simply put, by going public, we gain access to capital. With access to capital, we can acquire businesses. By acquiring businesses, we can directly impact the future of this country, and of the world.

Our businesses will be wide-ranging, but I'll give you a few examples. We'll buy hospitals, and significantly increase the mortality rate by reducing patient care. We'll buy consumer product manufacturers - in sporting goods, for instance - and reduce quality to a level at which it would be dangerous to play any sport utilizing those products. And when we acquire a company, we will not coddle employees, but work them rigorously, expecting them to put in endless hours, which will result in not only dangerous, life-averse working conditions, but should lead to the substandard product quality that is our corporate mission.

That, in a nutshell, is our plan. Now I'll take your questions.

R.L. Wighthgood, New York Times: Wait a minute. If you turn good products into dangerous products, won't people stop buying them? If you treat your employees so badly they die, who will want to work there? If your hospitals kill people, how will you get patients? Your business model is fatally flawed. Sales will go down. Your stock will go down. You'll eventually go out of … of… Jesus… oh … my chest… Oh God… Call 91…1… I'm having a har… a har… a heart aaaa……"

Mr. Death: Next question?

Moderator: It seems there are no further questions. Thank you all for joining us.

End of call.

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