INVENTOR UNVEILS MACHINE THAT'S
NOT A GODDAMN SCOOTER, OK?

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) — After a year of intense speculation and unprecedented hype, inventor Dean Kamen on Monday unveiled the "It's Not a Goddamn Scooter, OK?", a revolutionary transportation device that emulates human balance, travels up to 12 miles an hour, and looks an awful lot like a scooter.

Kamen unveiled his revolutionary device Monday on ABC's Good Morning America, co-hosted by Diane Sawyer and Charles Gibson.

Gibson (left) and Sawyer (center) on their scooters

Sawyer: Well, we're out here on the street with Dean Kamen, who invented this revolutionary new scooter. Mr. Kamen, this looks like great fun. What's this scooter called?

Kamen: It's not a scooter.

Gibson: Oh, It's Not a Scooter. That's an interesting name. I guess you want to head off people who are going to say it looks like a souped-up scooter. 'Cause, you know, it does.

Kamen: No no, look. It's not a scooter. It's a human transporter. It's an enhancement to personal mobility that will allow people to make better use of their time.

Sawyer: I see. By scooting short distances, instead of using a car.

Kamen: No! I mean, yes, they won't have to use a car to make short trips. But they won't be "scooting." They'll be propelled by the electric engine.

Gibson: Like an electric scooter. I remember when I was a kid, I had a scooter. Nothing like this scooter, though. I'm sorry, what's it called again?

Kamen: It's not a goddamn scooter, OK? It's the world's first dynamic self-balancing human transporter.

Gibson: Well, I'm not in marketing, but it seems like you could just call it that: The Dynamic Self-Balancing Human Transporter. It's no longer than It's Not a Goddamn Scooter, OK? Although... no, you're right to have "scooter" in the name, 'cause that's what it looks like.

Kamen: It does not look like a scooter. It looks like a Segway!

Sawyer: You're right. Just the time for one. Well Charles, enough talking. Let's take a spin on our It's Not a Goddamn Scooter, OKs?

Kamen: No, Segway! Segway!

Gibson: He's right, Diane. That wasn't a very good segueway.

Sawyer: Oh I know, but I couldn't see the cue cards. My helmet keeps falling over my eyes.

Gibson: I never wore a helmet when I rode a scooter.

Sawyer: Well that explains a lot!

Gibson & Sawyer: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Gibson: Seriously, if these scooters can keep you balanced so well, you wouldn't think you'd need a helmet. I wonder if that will hurt sales.

Sawyer: And there's no cup holders. Plus the name is kind of offensive. But people don't mind bad language as much nowadays.

Gibson: You're so right ... Hey, Mr. Kamen is gone.

Sawyer: He left on one of his scooters, I think.

Gibson: I wonder if we can catch him with our It's Not a Goddamn Scooter, OKs?

Sawyer: I have a better idea. Let's use my car.

Gibson: "Car?" What's that?

Sawyer: It's a revolutionary human transporter that enables people to travel short or long distances. C'mon. We can throw our scooters in the back.

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