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WHY LET THEM SUBTRACT FROM YOUR LIFE,
WHEN THEY CAN ADD TO THE DECOR!

Conceal the Idle in Style with a PeopleCozy®

London, England (SatireWire.com) — Whether they're unmotivated, uninterested, or naturally predisposed to civil service, there is always someone in your life who hasn't done a thing in years, and doesn't show any signs of doing so now. Once, your only option was to place them in middle management, but now a British firm believes it has a more attractive alternative.

Called the PeopleCozy®, it's a handsome, sturdy cloth covering that stylishly hides the permanently passive, and keeps the chronically inert dust-free and ready to use.

Thanks KoverKraft

Made by East London-based KoverKraft, PeopleCozies are a cross between proper British tea cozies and the quaint appliance covers so popular in 1960s kitchens — only much, much larger. The product was the brainchild of KoverKraft CEO Kevin Bicknell, 26, who said he was inspired by personal experience.

"I dropped out of university in '95 and moved back home, and my parents were always in my face to do something," Bicknell recalled. "One day, to make her point, Mum knitted this giant quilted cover and threw it over me. I remember her saying, 'There now. That looks much better.'"

Interior and Exterior views

Five very dark years later, Bicknell emerged and suddenly understood what it was his parents had really done. "They left in '98 without saying a bloody word, that's what they'd done," he said bitterly. "But that cover kept me clean and mold-free, and it gave me a great idea."

Assuming there were millions in the same situation, Bicknell launched KoverKraft in March, and the response from those irritated by the inert has been overwhelming. So far, the company has sewn PeopleCozies to cover college students, U.S. ambassadors, Jiffy Lube managers, cable television installers, and the entire Home Shopping Channel audience, as well as the House of Lords, Al Gore, and Oasis. "But that last was wishful thinking," Bicknell explained. "It turns out Oasis were active, but people were just hoping they'd stop."

Buoyed by the success of PeopleCozies, KoverKraft ambitiously intends to launch at least four new cover lines by 2003:

House of Lords
  • HomelyCozies, which conceal the unattractive;
  • ElderCozies, to conceal the elderly;
  • SonyCozies, which hide video game addicts and come with specially cut eye and finger holes, and an attached urinal.
  • Bad Ass Mother Covers.

Bicknell warned, however, that the new products may be delayed due to design problems. "In our focus groups, it turned out ElderCozy users were pretty upset about being covered, so we're looking at some kind of straight-jacket feature," he said. "By contrast, most of those covered in a PeopleCozy never seem to mind. They tend to say, 'Oh, it's dark. I'd better just stay put until the lights come back on.'"

Selling for 200 euros ($176), machine washable PeopleCozies feature two layers of luxurious poly/cotton, and come in a variety of designs, from waffled pastels with steel-reinforced boxed welting, to an elegant gray with lace applique trim and mirrored interior to fool the claustrophobic.

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