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DOTCOMGUY DROPS 'DOTCOM' FROM NAME, NOW JUST 'GUY'
Change Seen As Another Blow to Beleaguered DotCom Industry

DALLAS, TEXAS (SatireWire.com) — In the strongest signal yet that "Internet-only" has become a verbal albatross, DotComGuy — the Texas man who lives entirely off the Internet and hasn't left his house for nearly a year — has dropped the DotCom from his name, and now wishes to be referred to only as Guy.

According to Guy, whose one year in online self-isolation ends Jan. 1, the change more accurately reflects the true nature of his diversifying personal interests. That, and he was worried he wouldn't get laid with a name like DotComGuy.

"Initially, having DotCom in my name heightened my status," said Guy, who legally changed his name from Mitch Maddox to DotComGuy before entering virtual seclusion last Jan. 1. "But now it's suddenly like I'm just some loser who is little more than a pathetic symbol of Internet hype."

Guy conceded the loser label might also refer to being a 27-year-old single male who hasn't left his house for a year.

For now, Guy lives totally off the Internet, where he orders all his meals, clothes, and even furniture. All his movements, (save bowel movements), are broadcast over the Web, 24 hours a day, and his stay is subsidized by sponsors such as UPS and Travelocity. However, his year-long hermitage ends soon, and Guy said he was concerned how he would be treated in the offline world.

"I want people to know that I'm not just another dotcom. I'm just another guy, and my name should reflect that," said Guy. "Plus, if I'm going to have any chance at sex when I get out, I had to change. Half the people I meet have been screwed by a dotcom already, and they didn't like the experience."

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