Posts Tagged election 2012
PAUL RYAN SUDDENLY REAL BUSY WHENEVER MITT ROMNEY CALLS
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Paul Ryan hasn’t returned Mitt Romney’s phone calls since the election because he’s probably so busy catching up with work, according to the defeated GOP presidential candidate, who said it’s cool he’ll just, you know, maybe [Read More]
COLORADO LEGALIZES POT; UNIV. OF COLORADO APPS SKYROCKET
BOULDER, CO (SatireWire.com) -- Applications to the University of Colorado have shot up 5,000 percent in the past 48 hours, leaving school officials “mystified and delighted” by the influx of more than a million new admissions forms. In other news, Colorado legalized [Read More]
AMERICANS VOTE TO CONTINUE BANGING HEAD AGAINST WALL
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- After years of banging their heads against a wall in frustration over the inability of the White House and Congress to work together, Americans went to the polls Tuesday and voted overwhelmingly to continue banging their heads against a [Read More]
ROMNEY, IN DRAG, DENIES HE HAS TACKED TOO FAR LEFT
SAN FRANCISCO (SatireWire.com) – In a spirited stump speech today, Mitt Romney denied he has changed positions or tacked to the left, although observers couldn’t help but notice the Governor was dressed in drag and wore a rainbow-colored U.S. lapel pin. [Read More]
OBAMA LOSES DEBATE; ALSO ANY HOPE FOR ANNIVERSARY SEX
DENVER, CO. (SatireWire.com) – Following his weak showing in Wednesday’s debate with Mitt Romney, President Obama’s 20th wedding anniversary ended in further disappointment as sources say the First Lady refused to have anniversary sex with, “a man who has clearly [Read More]
ROMNEY RACKING UP INDIFFERENDORSEMENTS
Rallying around Mitt Romney in much the same way suicide jumpers rally around the ground, Republican heavyweights have continued to endorse the “inevitable” GOP presidential candidate by using such superlatives as “yeah,” “(let’s) face it,” and “whatever." [Read More]
SOLAR STORM SHUTS DOWN MITT ROMNEY
JACKSONVILLE, FL (SatireWire.com) – The massive solar radiation storm that struck Earth yesterday disrupted radio communications, knocked out satellite and computer systems, and shut down Mitt Romney for more than six hours. [Read More]
PERRY TRIUMPHANTLY LISTS ALL 3 REASONS HE DROPPED OUT
COLUMBIA, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Serial forgetter Rick Perry declared victory today after successfully being able to remember all three reasons he dropped out of the GOP presidential race. [Read More]
VIDEO SHOWS BAIN EXECUTIVES URINATING ON LAID-OFF WORKERS
COLUMBIA, S.C. (SatireWire.com) – Efforts to paint Mitt Romney as a heartless corporate raider were reinforced today after a 1992 videotape surfaced showing Bain Capital executives urinating on helpless, laid-off workers. [Read More]
