Two Months After 9/11 God Takes Yanks’ Side
New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – The awe and wonder over miraculous World Series victories by baseball’s New York Yankees were dampened by growing cynicism today as residents said they couldn’t help but notice that God had suddenly taken an interest New York City about, oh, two months too late.
The Yankees, down two games to none in the best-of-seven World Series, have now won three straight against the Arizona Diamondbacks. The last two Yankee wins required late-inning heroics so ostentatiously improbable (the Yankees were losing each game with two outs in the bottom of the ninth inning, then hit home runs to tie) that few doubt Divine intervention. While grateful for the assistance, even Yankee faithful questioned the Almighty’s timing and priorities.
“OK, so the Yankees pull off two miracle victories in a row, that’s terrific,” said Yankees fan Oswaldo Hernandez. “But where was He two months ago when this city really could have used Him?”
“Two months ago, the Yankees were 13 games up on the Red Sox,” God replied. “I really don’t think they needed My help.”
Many, however, felt that God was missing the point, and argued dozens of other locations, in America and abroad, were in greater need of His attention.
“I’m sorry, but there are more important places to intervene right now,” said Cecelia Broagan, a 27-year-old hotel clerk from Staten Island. “People are fighting in the Middle East. The Argentine economy is about to go under. Americans are losing their jobs in droves. And what does He decide to do about it? He launches a fastball into the left field bleachers.”
“Actually, it was a hanging slider,” said God. “I was looking for the curve, but fortunately I got just enough of it.”
In God’s defense, Cardinal Edward Egan of New York’s Roman Catholic archdiocese reminded humans that they were simply not qualified to question His handiwork. “I understand this is a difficult time, and I understand that His sudden attentiveness to New York’s prayers is… awkward,” said Egan. “But we must accept that the Lord truly does work in mysterious ways, and that what He does is all part of His great plan for our future.”
Reached later in the day, God concurred. “Absolutely, I am always thinking ahead. Wait until you see who gets to the Super Bowl next year.”
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